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Thread: snappy comeback lines!

  1. #1
    Senior Member likeaneagle's Avatar
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    Default snappy comeback lines! please add!

    Did you take a bath?"
    "Why, Is there one missing?"

    "Are you chewing gum?"
    "No, I'm John Smith."

    "I want to buy a dress to put on around the house."
    "Yes, Madam. How large is your house?"

    "What are you going to be when you graduate?"
    "An old man"

    "I spent three years in college taking medicine."
    "Are you well now?"

    Do you say a prayer before you eat?"
    "No, we don't have to. My mother is a good cook."

    "I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for
    dinner."
    "Who wants to eat friends?"

    "We are having mother for dinner, darling."
    "Make sure she's well done."

    "I want some rat poison."
    "Should I wrap it up or do you want to eat it right here?"

    "It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear
    and out the other."
    "Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears."

    "May I hold your hand?"
    "No, thanks, It isn't heavy."

    "Does water always come through the roof in this place?"
    "No, sir, only when it rains."

    "When will you straighten out the house, dear?"
    "Why? Is it tilted?"

    "Do these stairs take you to the second floor?"
    "No, you'll have to walk"

    "Now that you're married, you should have some insurance"
    But why? My wife isn't dangerous."

    "I have changed my mind."
    Thank heaven! Does it work better now?"

    Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
    Customer: What other colors do you have?
    Last edited by likeaneagle; 05-10-2011 at 04:28 AM.
    Bamber and konifur like this.





  2. #2
    Super Moderator Bamber's Avatar
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    Default Re: snappy comeback lines!

    "Can I have a quick word?"
    "Velocity."
    Usquequaque in fimus; tantum sublimitas varius.

  3. #3
    Jokeroo VIP Status TakinMyLyfeBack's Avatar
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    Default Re: snappy comeback lines!

    Home Sweet Home
    I may stray from time to time, and lose my way....
    I know my ROO FAMILY will always lift my spirits and help me find the strength to carry on.

  4. #4
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: snappy comeback lines!

    Call me a cab.

    Ok you're a cab!
    TakinMyLyfeBack likes this.

  5. #5
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Default Re: snappy comeback lines!

    You have such a boner.
    No it`s my banana in my pocket.

    Have you just shit your pants?
    Oh that was about an hour ago.

    Are those pee stains on your trousers?
    No i just cum.



  6. #6
    Jokeroo VIP Status TakinMyLyfeBack's Avatar
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    Default Re: snappy comeback lines!

    all the above from the lips of .........
    our sweet Koni..

  7. #7
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: snappy comeback lines!

    oh *snap* !!! lol










    When witches go riding and black cats are seen
    The moon laughs and whispers
    ‘Tis near Halloween ♥

  8. #8
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Default Re: snappy comeback lines!

    YOU HAVE A NICE FIGURE WELL ROUND IS A FIGURE.

    You're so big, you've got your own gravitational pull.



  9. #9
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Default Re: snappy comeback lines!

    If you are at an airport check-in and you are asked,

    "Did you pack your own bags?"

    Never us the come back line,
    "Eh, no. The asian guy with the big beard and the funny hat packed them for me. I wonder where he is, he seemed to leave in a hurry."
    TakinMyLyfeBack likes this.



  10. #10
    Senior Member likeaneagle's Avatar
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    Default Re: snappy comeback lines!

    Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

    * A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

    * Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

    * Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

    * I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

    * If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean
    that morality comes from morons?

    * Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

    * A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

    * Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

    * Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

    * Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

    * A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

    * A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

    * Without geometry, life is pointless.

    * When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your
    imagination.

    * Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

    * When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
    TakinMyLyfeBack likes this.





  11. #11
    Senior Member likeaneagle's Avatar
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    Default Re: snappy comeback lines!

    1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    3. She was a moonshiner's daughter, but he loved her still.

    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    11. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

    12. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

    13. The dwarf fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    14. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    15. A backward poet writes inverse.

    16. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    17. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

    18. If someone called you odd, would you try to get even ?





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