You might be a bad cook if...
There are bones in your toast.
Everything you cook seems is leftovers.
The judges in the Beverly Hills Bake-off vote for Elly May Clampett's biscuits over yours.
The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.
Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a firetruck siren.
Those annoying pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting to buy and patent your recipe for candy christmas cookies.
You used three boxes of scouring pads, a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, but that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan!
You've ever burned through the bottom of a pan while cooking.
You forget and leave a gallon of your homemade ice cream on the porch overnight during a record busting heatwave and the next afternoon, not only is it still solid, but it tastes better.
The EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red 'biohazard' symbols.
You refer to flour moth larvae as 'a little extra free protein.'
Anyone has ever broken a tooth while eating your homemade yougurt.
Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a pot nine days old tastes like.
You tell them that the grey fuzzy stuff on top of it 'is good for them.'
If you avoid the hassle of having to ever reseason your cast iron skillet by always leaving the remains of the last thing you cooked in there for 'flavor.' (Remember that Star Trek episode, 'Mudd's Women'?)
You hate rice, but you keep finding it floating around in your beef stew.
There's no such thing as an unusable leftover.
You know dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
You've ever messed up a salad.
The family pets are no where to be found during dinner.
The family seems really interested in going to that restaurant that always has trouble passing the health inspection...at dinner time.
You have cooked dishes that are more appetizing after two months in the back of the fridge.