Need I say more??
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in is in perfect order, spotless clean. So is the rest of the house.
> He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."
> So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
> Marty asks,"Son, what happened last night?"
> His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious.
> Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
> Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
> His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said,
> "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"
> A self-induced hangover - $100.00
> Broken furniture - $200.00
> Breakfast - $10.00
> Saying the right thing - priceless.
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
>> "Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
>> "I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!"
>> "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
>> He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
>> As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
>> Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
>> "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
>> "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
>> Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
>> Oh , yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
>> Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run? "
>> "Nope.........just when it's raining.