In light of the season: adam sandler's holiday songs

[Pretty_in_Pink]

ookay, this is all in light of the season, so PLEASE no one get offended


The Chanukah Lyrics (part 1)


Adam Talking
"Okay...
This is a song that uhh..
There's a lot of Christmas songs out there and uhh..
not too many Hanukah songs.
So uhh..
I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear
any Hanukah songs.
Here we go..."

Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Hanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Hanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
Here's a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me
David Lee Roth lights the menorah
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli
Bowser from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli
Paul Newman's half Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too
Put them together, what a fine lookin' Jew

You don't need "Deck The Halls" or "Jingle Bell Rock"
'Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock- both Jewish

Put on your yarmulke
It's time for Hanukah
The owner of the Seattle Supersonicahs
Celebrates Hanukah

O.J. Simpson- not a Jew
But guess who is? Hall of famer Rod Carew- he converted
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish- not too shabby

Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well he's not, but guess who is
All three Stooges
So many Jews are in showbiz
Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is

Tell your friend Veronica
It's time to celebrate Hanukah
I hope I get a harmonicah
Oh this lovely, lovely Hanukah
So drink your gin and tonicah
And smoke your marijuanikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Hanukah
Happy Hanukah

(part 2)

"Chanukah is
the festival of lights;
One day of presents?
Hell no, we get the eight crazy nights!
But if you still feel like the only kid in town
without a Christmas tree,
I guess my first two songs didn't do it for you,
so here comes number three!

Ross and Phoebe from "Friends"
say the Chanukah blessing,
So does Lenny's pal Squiggy and "Will and Grace"'s Debra Messing!
Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mixed meat with dairy,
Maybe they should have called that show
"Little Kosher House on the Prairie"!
We got Jerry Lewis,
Ben Stiller, and Jack Black,
Tom Arnold converted to Judaism,
but you guys can have him back!
(Just kidding, Tommy!.)

We may not get to kiss
underneath the mistletoe,
But we can do it all night long
with Deuce Bigalow!

Rob Schneider: I'm Jewish!?!?!

Adam Sandler: Oh my God. Sweet Robbie Schneider is here!

Drei-Dels: Put on your yarmulke, here comes Chanukah...

Rob Schneider: "The guy in Willie Nelson's band who plays harmonica celebrates Chanukah!

Adam Sandler: Aww. Good job buddy. Get going.

"Osama bin Laden...

The Driedels: BOO!

Adam Sandler: "Not a big fan of the Jews!
Well maybe that's because he lost the figure skating match
to gold medalist Sarah Hughes!
(Her mama's Jewish.)
Houdini and David Blaine escape straightjackets
with such precision,
but one thing they could not get out of...
Their painful circumcision!
Gwyneth Paltrow's half-Jewish,
But a full-time Oscar winner,
Jennifer Connelly's half-Jewish too,
And I'd like to put more in her! Whoo!
There's Lou Reed, Perry Farrell,
Beck, and Paula Abdul,
Joey Ramone invented punk rock music,
but first came Hebrew school!
Hey!

Natalie Portmanika
It's time to celebrate Chanukah,
I hope I get an Abtronica
On this joyful, toyful Chanukah,
So get a high colonika
And soil your long-johnnakahs
If you really, really wannakah,
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy,
happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah!"


Put on your yarmulke
Its time for Chanukah
So much funnaka
To celebrate Chanukah

Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We get eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here's a new list of people who are Jewish
Just like you and me

Winona Ryder,
Drinks Manischewitz wine
Then spins a draydle with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein

Guess who gives and receives
Loads of Chanukah toys
The girls from Veruca Salt and all three Beastie Boys

Lenny Kravitz is half Jewish,
Courtney Love is half too
Put them together
What a funky bad ass Jew

We got Harvey Keitel
And flash dancer Jennifer Beals
Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish
And yes her boobs are real

(part 3)

Put on your yarmulka
Its time for Chanukah
2 time Ocsar winning Dustin Hoffmanaka
celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson
Still not a Jew
But guess who is,
The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo

Bob Dylan was born a Jew
Then he wasn't
but now he's back,
Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish
'Cause we're pretty good in the sack.

Guess who got bar-mitzvahed
On the PGA tour
No I'm not talking about Tiger Woods
I'm talkin' about Mr. Happy Gilmore.

So many Jews are in the show biz
Bruce Springsteen isn't
But my mother thinks he is.

Tell the world-amanaka
It's time for Chanukah
It's not pronounced Ch-nakah
The C is silent in Chanukah
So get your hooked on phonica
Get drunk in Tijuanaka
If you really really wannaka
Have a happy happy happy happy Chanukah!


A Christmas Song Lyrics

Well,um it's the holiday season
And Santas' been checkin' his list to see whos' been naughty or nice
And I'm kinda feelin' guilty
So I wrote a song

So many presents, so little time
Santa won't be coming
By my house this year
'Cause I tried to drown my sister
And I pierced my ear
Oh mama made it perfectly clear
Santa don't like bad boys
Especially Jewish ones

Skanif-kanof and Lego blocks
Are what I desire
So, why'd I have to set
The pizza guy's hair on fire
I told him I was sorry, I'm a liar
So, no toys for me

I don't deserve 'em
I couldn't wait for a big wheel
As the holiday neared
But then I told my grandma
That she had a beard

(speaking) Dear Santa,
I know what my problem is
Why I can't be good
It's a fear of intimacy
You see, my whole life
Whenever I've met someone
really great like you and,
I keep feeling
I'm getting too close to them
Something inside me
Makes me want to screw it up
So in a weird way
The reason I'm so bad is because
I love you so much Santa

Rock 'em, Sock 'em robots
Is what I was hopin' for
But then I made a death threat
To Vice President Gore
Oh Santa won't be knockin' on my door
'Cause he's a big fat whore
What made me say that!?

Chutes and Ladders
Would be so good indeed
So why's I have to sell
That cop a bag of weed

So Santa please give me
My Easy Bake Oven
I swear I thought Billy goats
Were made for lovin'

So Santa won't you
Accept my appoligies
Santa can't you see
I'm beggin' you please
Oh Santa, next year
I'll do you right
Live from New York
It's Saturday Night Live