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Thread: Rugby song lyrics

  1. #1
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Rugby song lyrics by Ladies Rugby Teams

    PARLEZ-VOUS



    Three German officers crossed the line,

    Parlez-vous,
    Three German officers crossed the line,
    Parlez-vous,
    Three German officers crossed the line,
    They f***ed the women, and drank the wine
    Inky, pinky, parlez-vous.

    They came across a wayside inn,

    Parlez-vous,

    Shat on the mat and walked right in.

    Parlez-vous,
    (Repeat PV every other line)


    Oh Landlord have you a daughter fair,
    Lily-white tits and golden hair?

    At last they got her on a bed,
    Shagged her 'til her cheeks were red.

    And then they took her to a shed,
    Shagged her 'til she was nearly dead.

    They took her down a shady lane,
    Shagged her back to life again.

    They shagged her up, they shagged her down,
    They shagged her right around the town.

    They shagged her in, they shagged her out,
    They shagged her up her waterspout.

    Seven months went and all was well,
    Eight months went and she started to swell.

    Nine months went, she gave a grunt,
    And a little white bastard popped out of her ****.

    The little white bugger he grew and grew,
    He shagged his mother and sister too.

    The little white bugger he went to hell,
    He shagged the devil and his wife as well!

    Last edited by brilor; 04-07-2005 at 05:26 AM.






    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  2. #2
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Talking

    Four and Twenty Virgins

    Four and twenty virgins
    Came down from Inverness
    And when the ball was over
    There were four and twenty less

    Singing......
    Balls to your Father
    Arse against the wall
    If you've never been shagged
    On a Saturday night
    You've never been shagged at all!


    Four and twenty prostitutes
    Came up from Glockamore
    And when the ball was over
    They were all of them double bore

    The bride was in the kitchen
    Explaining to the groom
    That the vagina, not the rectum
    Is the entrance to the womb

    The village plumber, he was there
    He felt an awful fool
    He'd come a hundred miles or more
    And forgotten to bring his tool

    The village smithy, he was there
    His balls were made of brass
    And when he walked, they clanged
    And the sparks went up his ass

    The blacksmith's brother, he was there
    A mighty man was he
    He lined them up against the wall
    And f**ked them three by three

    The village idiot, he was there
    Sitting on a pole
    He pulled his foreskin over his head
    And whistled through the hole

    The village doctor, he was there
    Sitting by the fire
    Doing abortions by the score
    With a piece of red hot wire

    The village cripple, he was there
    Leaning on the gate
    Teaching all the little boys
    How to masturbate

    The vicar's daughter, she was there
    The cunning little runt
    With poison ivy up her arse
    And a thistle up her c**t

    The vicar's wife, she was there
    Back against the wall
    "Put your money on the table boys
    I'm fit to do you all!!"

    Now Farmer Giles, he was there
    His sickle in his hand
    And every time he swung around
    He circumcised the band

    Father O'Flannagan, he was there
    And in the corner he sat
    Amusing himself by abusing himself
    And catching it in his hat

    The village builder, he was there
    He brought his bag of tricks
    He poured cement in all the holes
    And blunted all the pricks

    Little Jimmy, he was there
    The Leader of the choir
    He hit the balls of all the boys
    To make them sing much higher

    Now little Tommy, he was there
    But he was only eight
    He couldn't shag the women
    So he had to masturbate

    The village postie, he was there
    The poor man had the pox
    He couldn't shag the lassies
    So he porked the letterbox

    And when the ball was over
    Everyone confessed
    They all enjoyed the dancing
    But the f**king was the best






    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  3. #3
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Talking

    GOOD SHIP VENUS
    It was on the good ship Venus
    My God you should have seen us
    The figure-head was a whore in bed,
    The mast was a rampant penis.

    Frigging in the rigging, tossing on the crossing
    Wanking on the planking, there was f'**k all else to do


    The captain's first name was Slugger,
    He was a dirty bugger
    He wasn't fit to shovel shit,
    from one place to another.

    chorus

    The first mate's name was Cooper
    By Christ he was a trooper
    He jerked and jerked until he worked,
    Himself into a stupor

    chorus

    The captain's randy daughter,
    Was swimming in the water
    Delighted squeals revealed that eels
    Had found her sexual quarter

    chorus

    The Bo'sun's name was Lester,
    He was a fanny tester
    Through hymens thick he shoved his pr**k
    And left it there to fester

    chorus

    A homo was the purser,
    He couldn't have been much worser
    With all the crew he had a screw,
    Until they yelled "Oh no sir!"

    chorus

    The second mate's name was Andy
    His balls were long and bandy
    They filled his a*** with molten brass
    For coming in the brandy

    chorus

    The ship's dog's name was Rover
    The whole crew did him over
    They ground and ground that faithful hound,
    From Singapore to Dover

    chorus

    The cooks name was Freeman
    He was a dirty demon
    He fed the crew on menstrual stew,
    And hymens fried in semen.

    chorus

    The end of this narration
    Came in jubilation
    For they sunk the junk in a sea of spunk,
    Caused by masturbation.

    chorus

    So now we end this serial
    Through sheer lack of material
    I wish you luck and freedom from
    Diseases venereal.






    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  4. #4
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Exclamation

    You can tell by my smell, that I'm not feeling well,
    When the time of the month comes around.
    You can tell by my smell, that I'm not feeling well,
    When the time of the month comes around.

    Oh, we are the girls from the Tampax Factory,
    SHOUT We'rer orders loud and clear (loud and clear),
    We've got small, medium, large, super duper, fill-a-barge,
    When the time of the month comes around!

    You can tell by my stench, that I've got a gammy trench,
    When the time of the month comes around.
    (Repeat)

    chorus

    You can tell by my string, that you won't be doing a thing,
    When the time of the month comes around.
    (Repeat)

    chorus

    You can tell by my sheet, that you won't be giving meat,
    When the time of the month comes around.
    (Repeat)

    chorus

    You can tell by my rope, that you haven't got a hope,
    When the time of the month comes around.
    (Repeat)

    chorus

    You can tell by my frown, that you won't be going down,
    When the time of the month comes around.
    (Repeat)

    chorus

    You can tell by my whinge, that I've got a sticky minge,
    When the time of the month comes around.
    (Repeat)

    chorus

    You can tell by my taste, that it isn't salmon paste,
    When the time of the month comes around.
    (Repeat)

    chorus

    You can tell by my moaning, that I'm losing haemoglobin,
    When the time of the month comes around.
    (Repeat)

    chorus

    You can tell by my feel, that I'm starting to congeal,
    When the time of the month comes around.
    (Repeat)

    chorus

    You can tell by her reek, that it must be Dawson's Creek!
    When the time of the month comes around.
    (Repeat)

    chorus



    By the way all these are from a ladies rugby team song book!!!







    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  5. #5
    Jokeroo VIP Status Anna's Avatar
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    Icon17

    Great post!!!!!!!!!!!!
    To the german officers...thats probly why im married to brit...lol
    +


  6. #6
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    ALL QUEERS TOGETHER

    The sexual life of a camel
    Is stranger than anyone thinks
    At the height of the mating season,
    He tries to bugger the sphinx
    But the sphinx's posterior orifice
    Is blocked with the sands from the Nile
    Which accounts for the hump on the camel
    And the sphinx's inscrutable smile

    Singing Bum Titty, Bum Titty, Titty Bum
    Bum Titty Bum Titty ay,
    Singing Bum Titty, Bum Titty, Titty Bum
    Singing Bum Titty Bum Titty ay
    'Cos we're all queers together
    That's why we go around in pairs
    Yes we're all queers together
    Excuse us while we go upstairs


    Now the sexual life of a bullfrog
    Is hard to comprehend
    At the height of the mating season
    He tries to bugger his friend
    But the arse of the average bullfrog
    Is filled up with mucus and slime
    Which accounts for the face of the bullfrog
    And why he goes BURRRRRP all the time

    chorus
    A biological paper from Oxford
    By Harrison, Hunter and Hall
    Has proven that the common hedgehog
    Cannot be buggered at all
    An alternative thesis from Cambridge
    Has incontrovertibly shown
    That comparative immunity from buggery
    Is enjoyed by the hedgehog alone







    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  7. #7
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    BOHEMIAN CURRY

    Naan-aa, just killed a man
    Poppadom against his head
    Had lime pickle, now he's dead.
    Naan-aa, dinner just begun
    But now I'm going to crap it all away.
    Naan-aa, ooh-ooh
    Didn't mean to make you cry,
    Seen nothin' yet just see the loo tomorrow,
    Curry on,
    Curry on,
    'Cause nothing really madras.

    Too late, my dinner's gone
    Sends shivers up my spine
    Rectum aching all the time.
    Goodbye every bhaji, I've got to go
    Gotta leave you all behind and use loo.
    Naan-aa, ooh ooh,
    This Dopiaza's mild,
    I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all...

    (Guitar solo)

    I see a little chicken tikka on the side,
    Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh pass the chutney made of mango.
    Vindaloo does nicely
    Very very spicey ME!
    Biryani (Biryani)
    Biryani (Biryani)

    Biryani and a naan, (A vindaloo loo looo...)
    I've eaten balti, somebody help me
    She's eaten balti, get her to a lavatory
    All stand well back
    'Cause this loo is quarantined.
    Here it comes,
    There it goes,
    Technicolour yawn.
    I chunder
    No!
    It's coming up again (There she goes)
    I chunder
    It's coming up again (There she goes)
    It's coming up again, (Up again)
    Coming up again (up again)
    Here it comes again (No no no no no non o no no No).
    On my knees,
    I'm on my knees,
    I'm on my knees
    Oh there she goes
    This vindaloo is about to wreck my guts
    Poor me... Poor me... Poor me!

    (Guitar solo)

    So you think you can chunder and still it's alright?
    So you want to eat curry and drink beer all night?
    Ohh maybe, now you'll puke like a baby,
    Just had to come out,
    Just had to come right out in here....

    (Guitar solo)

    Korma, saag or bhuna, Balti, naan, bhaji.
    Nothing makes a difference
    Nothing makes a difference to me
    (Anyway, my wind blows).






    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  8. #8
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    CANDLE

    All the nice girls love a candle,
    All the nice girls love a wick (love a wick),
    'Cos there's something about a candle,
    That reminds them of a dick (of a dick),
    Nice and greasy,
    Slips in easy,
    It's the girlie's pride and joy,
    When you're walking up the front,
    With a candle up your c**t,
    Ship ahoy boy, ship ahoy!






    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  9. #9
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    DUREX IS A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND

    A poke with a bloke may be quite incidental,
    Durex is a girl's best friend.
    You may get the works
    But you won't be parental.
    As he slides it in,
    You trust that good old latex skin
    As he lets fly, none gets by
    'Cos it's all gathered up in the end.
    This little precaution
    Avoids an abortion
    Durex is a girl's best friend!






    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  10. #10
    Jokeroo VIP Status Anna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brilor
    CANDLE




    All the nice girls love a candle,

    All the nice girls love a wick (love a wick),
    'Cos there's something about a candle,
    That reminds them of a dick (of a dick),
    Nice and greasy,
    Slips in easy,
    It's the girlie's pride and joy,
    When you're walking up the front,
    With a candle up your c**t,
    Ship ahoy boy, ship ahoy!

    Aha..understandable by female rugby players.lol
    +


  11. #11
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Talking Rugby Joke

    The scrum-half had just suffered a severe blow in the region of his essential equipment.

    The trainer ran onto the field with his first-aid gear and as he approached the injured player who was squirming on the ground with his hands clutched between his legs, the scrum-half moaned,

    'Please, don't rub 'em! Just count 'em!'






    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  12. #12
    Moderator IZaNaMI's Avatar
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    Default

    PMSLOL!

  13. #13
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Talking Ladies Night

    Ladies Night

    It was Ladies' Night at the rugby club. A woman walked into the ladies' room and was shocked to see a man using the toilet.

    'Excuse me!' she said indignantly. 'This is for women only!'

    'So's this!' he replied.






    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  14. #14
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Icon18 Lady Of The Streets

    Lady Of The Streets

    The rugby team celebrated their victory in the finals with a night on the town.

    One of the front row forwards ended up with a lady of the streets in her flat. After the act of sexual congress, he said, 'I'm sorry, love - if I'd known you were a virgin, I'd have been more gentle.'

    'Virgin?' she said. 'You must be joking! If I'd have known you were going to be gentle, I'd 'ave taken me tights off'!






    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  15. #15
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Cool Lack Of Respect

    Lack Of Respect

    An Ireland International, well-known for his lack of respect towards referees, went up to one official and asked, 'What would you do if I called you a stupid bastard?'

    'What!' said the referee. 'Why I'd book you and send you off, of course!'

    'Well, what would you do if I only thought you were a stupid bastard?'

    'Well,' said the referee doubtfully, 'if you only thought it, there's not a lot I could do.'

    'In that case,' said the International, 'I think you're a stupid bastard!'






    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  16. #16
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Wink Bridal Passion

    Bridal Passion

    'We'd like a suite, please,' said the newly-married English international to the receptionist at the London Hilton.

    The receptionist looked at him and his lovely bride, and smiled. 'You'll be wanting the bridal, I suppose?' she said. 'Oh, no,' said the bride, blushing. 'I'll just hang on to his ears till I get used to it.'






    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  17. #17
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Red face Unfaithful Wife

    Unfaithful Wife

    The match was rained off just before half-time and the referee returned home a couple of hours before he was expected. He went into the bedroom and found a stranger in bed with his wife, with his head cradled between her breasts.

    'What the hell's going on here?' he shouted.

    'I'm listening to the music,' said the stranger.

    'You're what!' said the ref. 'Get out of it! Let me have a listen!' He bent over and put his head on his wife's chest. 'I can't hear any music,' he said suspiciously.

    'Of course you can't,' said the stranger. 'You're not plugged in!'






    {Thanks Sexy Sadie}

  18. #18
    Super Moderator Bamber's Avatar
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    Magic Moments

    I'll never forget the smell of the sweat,
    From under her armpit,
    It wasn't the grass that tickled her arse,
    But my little finger.

    Magic moments, when our two hearts are sharing,
    Magic moments, filled with love.

    I'll never forget the brownhatter I met,
    On Waterloo station,
    He gave me a chew, I'll do it for you,
    Oh what a sensation.

    Remember the night I fell in the shite,
    With my brand new suit on.
    The one that I got for selling the lot,
    Of my Embassy coupons.

    Just for a laugh I went down the park,
    And pissed on the flowers,
    You sat on a rock and played with me cock,
    For hours and hours.

    Magic moments when our two hearts are sharing,
    Magic moments filled with love

    We went to the sea I knew it would be,
    A time of emotion,
    We laid on the sand my prick in your hand,
    I pissed in the ocean.

    We went for a ride, we sat side by side,
    We developed a wobble,
    We fell on the grass I played with your arse,
    You gave me a gobble.
    Usquequaque in fimus; tantum sublimitas varius.

  19. #19
    Junior Member Cariboo Rose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brilor View Post
    Four and Twenty Virgins

    Four and twenty virgins
    Came down from Inverness
    And when the ball was over
    There were four and twenty less etc
    EDIT: Oops, just realized how long ago these were posted! My red face is illuminating the page!! As well as the post below this one!

    Brilor, you're killin' me here! I was actually singing along as there are a couple of verses here I hadn't heard before!!

  20. #20
    Junior Member Cariboo Rose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brilor View Post
    GOOD SHIP VENUS
    It was on the good ship Venus
    My God you should have seen us
    The figure-head was a whore in bed,
    The mast was a rampant penis. etc
    Hahahaha! This has been my sister's and my fave since our cousins came out from Scotland one year and one of them (the most innocent little school boy you could ever imagine - I think he was about 12) taught us all this gem! We still laugh about it many years later! Thanks for the memories!

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