The Drunk Buys The House A Drink

jms_mlr · 06-23-2005, 05:50 PM

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender,
buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me
the bill."

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for
$57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him
out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once
again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour
yourself one, and give me the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he
can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so
he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks
for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for
$67.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the
living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and
says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me
the bill."

Not about to get taken again, the bartender asked sarcastically,
"What, no drink for me this time?"

The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you
drink."

jms_mlr · 11-30-2005, 07:35 AM

A lady stumbles into a bar. She says, "Beertender, give me a dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it."

He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it." He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and you better put two pickles in it, because..because I've got heartburn."

The bartender says, "Look, lady...it's not beertender, it's bartender. It's not a martuni, it's a martini. It's not a dribble, it's a double. That's not a pickle, it's an onion. And you haven't got heartburn, "You have your left tit in the Ashtray!"

gods angel · 11-30-2005, 08:43 AM

Both those have me rolling on the floor........Thanks for the laughs........Keep them coming

06-23-2005, 05:50 PM	#1 (permalink)
jms_mlr x Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 3,151 Rep Power: 308	The Drunk Buys The House A Drink A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street. The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill." Not about to get taken again, the bartender asked sarcastically, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."

11-30-2005, 08:43 AM	#3 (permalink)
gods angel Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Land of the Morning Star Posts: 86,526 Rep Power: 2852	Both those have me rolling on the floor........Thanks for the laughs........Keep them coming __________________ TY Arella for all of them

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11-30-2005, 07:35 AM	#2 (permalink)
jms_mlr x Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 3,151 Rep Power: 308	A lady stumbles into a bar. She says, "Beertender, give me a dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it." He gives it to her, and she drinks it down. She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it." He gives it to her, and she drinks it down. She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and you better put two pickles in it, because..because I've got heartburn." The bartender says, "Look, lady...it's not beertender, it's bartender. It's not a martuni, it's a martini. It's not a dribble, it's a double. That's not a pickle, it's an onion. And you haven't got heartburn, "You have your left tit in the Ashtray!"