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Thread: 100 My Penis is too BIG Jokes

  1. #1
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    Default 100 My Penis is too BIG Jokes

    1. My dick is so big, it only tips with hundreds.
    2. My dick is so big, the Carnegie Deli named a sandwich after it.
    3. My dick is so big, the city was going to build a statue of it but they ran out of cement.
    4. My dick is so big, Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park on it.
    5. My dick is so big, when I get hard my ey brows get pulled down to my neck.
    6. My dick is so big, you're standing on it.
    7. My dick is so big, it only comes into work when it feels like it.
    8. My dick is so big, it plays golf with the president
    9. My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph.
    10. My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.
    11. My dick is so big, I'm already ****ing a girl tomorrow.
    12. My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.
    13. My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.14. My dick is so big, it lives next door.
    15. My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third 16. My dick is so big, it votes.
    17. My dick is a better dresser than I am.
    18. My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.
    19. My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen my balls in pictures.
    20. My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run.
    21. My dick runs the 440 in fifteen seconds.
    22. My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob.
    23. No matter where I go, my dick always gets there first.
    24. My dick takes longer lunches than I do.
    25. My dick contributed $50,000 to the Democratic National Committee.
    26. My dick was once the ambassador to China.
    27. My dick is so big, it's gone condo.
    28. My dick hit 370 in the minors before it hurt its knee.
    29. My dick was almost drafted by the Cleveland Browns, but Art Modell didn't want a bigger dick than he was on the team.
    30. My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler.
    3 I. It's so big, when it rains the head of my dick doesn't get wet.
    32. My dick is so big, I could wear it as a tie if I' wasn't so afraid of getting a hard-on and killing my- selú
    33. My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper.
    34. My dick is so big, it has feet.
    35. My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it.
    36. My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and a team of Clydesdales to jack me oft:
    37. My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for three extra days.
    38. My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to test my condoms.
    39. My dick is so big, it has investors.
    40. My dick is so big, it seats six.
    41. My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring. 42. My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole.
    43. My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next remake.
    44. My dick is so big, it has an opening act.
    45. My dick is so big I can **** an elevator shaft.
    46. My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box.
    47. My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings.
    48. My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole in the middle of it so cars could get through.
    49. My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse.
    50. My dick is so big, it only plays arenas.
    51. If you cut my dick in two, you can tell how old I am.
    52. My dick was once set on fire for a Dino DiLaurentis movie.
    53. My dick is so big, it needs an airplane warning light.
    54. My dick is so big, Trump owns it.
    55. My dick is so big that we're all a part of it, and it's all a part of us.
    56. My dick is so big, I can never sit in the front row.
    57. My dick is so big, it has its own dick. And even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.
    58. My dick is so big, you can't blow me without a ladder.
    59. My dick is so big, it only does one show a night.
    60. My dick is so big, you can ski down it.
    61. My dick is so big, it has an elbow.
    62. My dick is so big, I have to check it as luggage when I fly.
    63. My dick is so big, it has a personal trainer.
    64. My dick is so big, that right now it's in the other room fixing us drinks.
    65. My dick is so big, it has a retractable dome.
    66. My dick is so big, it has stairs up the center like the Statue of Liberty.
    67. My dick is so big there's a sneaker named "Air My Dick."
    68. My dick is so big, I'm its bitch.
    69. My dick is so big, it's against the law to **** me without protective headgear.
    70. My dick is so big, I could **** a tuba.
    71. My dick is so big, Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.
    72. My dick is so big, it has its own gravity.
    73. NASA once launched a space probe to search for the tip of my dick.
    74. My dick is so big, it's impossible to see all of it without a satellite.
    75. The inside of my dick contains billions and billions of stars.
    76. My dick is so big, it has a spine.
    77. My dick is so big, it has a basement.
    78. My dick is so big, movie theaters now serve popcorn in small, medium, large, and My Dick.
    79. My dick is more muscular than I am.
    80. My dick is S9 big it has cable.
    81. My dick is so big, it violates seventeen zoning laws.
    82. My dick is so big, it has its own page in the Sierra Club calendar.
    83. My dick is so big, it has a fifty-yard line.
    84. My dick is so big, I was once in Ohio and got a blow job in Tennessee.
    85. My dick is so big, Las Vegas casinos fly it into t town for free.
    86. My dick is so big, I can braid it.
    87. My dick is so big, that when it's Eastern Standard Time at the tip, it's Central Mountain Time at my balls.
    88. My dick is so big, I painted the foreskin red, l white, and blue and used it as a flag.
    89. My dick is so big, I can sit on it.
    90. My dick is so big, it can chew gum.
    91. My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the " summertime.
    92. My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and my dick got right in. I had to stand there and argue with the doorman.
    93. My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.
    94. My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
    95. My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.
    96. My dick has an elevator and a lobby.
    97. My dick has better credit than I do.
    98. My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.
    99. My dick is so big, it was once overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
    100. My dick is so big it has casters.

  2. #2
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    I hate to brag, but if I was sitting on the toilet, and got the hiccups, I'd siphon the bowl dry!

  3. #3
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    A guy with a huge dick has a lot of trouble trying to get a girl. When

    they see the size of his pecker they make their excuses and leave. So
    he thinks of a cunning plan, meets a hooker and asks her, "Do you mind
    if we do it my way?"

    "What way is that?" she asks.

    "Oh, I would just like you to wear a blindfold" he replies.

    "Is that all? No problem - let's go to my place," she answers.

    They walk the short distance to her apartment. Whilst taking off their

    clothes he puts the blindfold on her.

    "Why do you want me to wear a blindfold?" she asks.

    "Because of my religion" he answers.

    "What religion is that?" she asks.

    "I'm an agnostic," he says, getting on top of her.

    "Hmmm - an agnostic - I've heard of those - you're one of those people
    who doesn't believe in...........


    .....................JESUSCHRIST!".......... WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. #4
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    There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can play, ?Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee?".

    "How do you play that?" asked the redneck.

    "It's easy'' said the Spanish boy, "we can play it next recess."

    So when recess time came, the three boys went outside. "Alright," said the Spanish boy, "Lets play."

    The Asian boy explained that all you have to do is pull down your pants and whoever has the biggest pee pee is the winner. And so the Asian boy pulled down his pants and the other two boys were impressed. Then the Spanish boy pulled down his pants. His pee pee was about the same size as the Asian boy's. As the redneck boy pulled his pants down, the other two boys stared in awe.

    "You win for sure," they both said.

    Later that day the redneck boy went home and his mother asked him, "So did you make any new friends today?"

    "Yup. I played this game called ?Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee? and the other boys said I won because I'm a redneck."

    His mother laughed and replied, "No sweetie, you won because you're 23."

  5. #5
    Moderator IZaNaMI's Avatar
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    LMAO great thread

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    Super Moderator essex boy's Avatar
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    Bumping for Kipper

  7. #7
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    I'd like to find out for myself ... lol










    Give me something Good to eat...
    Crackers, fruit will not do
    Give me candy, I want two!
    Candy, Candy Give me four
    Candy, Candy I want more! ♥

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    Jokeroo VIP Status sexysadie's Avatar
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    lmbo..yeah that's right, everybody has a seven incher..lol..they've even sent me pictures where apparently, that number can only be confirmed by the penis holder..lol








  9. #9
    Senior Member Iceman's Avatar
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    I think those that have a large one don't have to brag about it..

  10. #10
    Jokeroo VIP Status sexysadie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iceman View Post
    I think those that have a large one don't have to brag about it..
    lmbo..good point!

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    Use a decent amount of wit to respond to these. My old roommate decided to crack out some "jokes" after I insulted his size. He decided to work of crap he had seen on the internet. Here's some examples of what I responded with:

    1. My dick is so big, it only tips with hundreds.
    RE: It's because you had to tip hundreds for the hooker to tell you that you're big.
    2. My dick is so big, the Carnegie Deli named a sandwich after it.
    RE: The Deli has a sandwich named after it because of how mangled and roast beef-esque it is
    3. My dick is so big, the city was going to build a statue of it but they ran out of cement.
    RE: They ran out of cement due to the fact that building something that small is damn near impossible.
    4. My dick is so big, Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park on it.
    RE: Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park out of it because it resembles the junk on a 10 year old.
    5. My dick is so big, when I get hard my ey brows get pulled down to my neck.
    RE: It's not your dick that's pulling the eyebrows, it's your boyfriend humping your forehead.
    6. My dick is so big, you're standing on it.
    RE: I'm standing on a picture of your face. Get over it.
    7. My dick is so big, it only comes into work when it feels like it.
    RE: Your dick is Mexican?
    8. My dick is so big, it plays golf with the president
    RE: Your dick must be small enough to slip by the Secret Service to get near the President. You're nothing special.
    9. My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph.
    RE: And the amount it is charging is around a cent.
    10. My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.
    RE: And your dick's agent shares an agent with Michael Keaton. It used to be relevant, but now...
    11. My dick is so big, I'm already ****ing a girl tomorrow.
    RE: You say this every day, and yet... Nothing ever happens. I guess it's because word has gotten around about the truth...
    12. My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.
    Gonorrhea is a bitch, isn't it?
    13. My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.
    RE: Stop playing with toys and a video camera.
    14. My dick is so big, it lives next door.
    RE: Your mom's dildo doesn't count
    15. My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third
    RE: Your sexual stamina doesn't need to come in this. Especially when it comes to looking at other guys dicks.
    16. My dick is so big, it votes.
    RE: And it voted for Bush. Twice. Probably because it was confused.
    17. My dick is a better dresser than I am.
    RE: My autistic cousin is a better dresser than you are, so I assume it's wearing suran wrap and a q-tip
    18. My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.
    RE: That's because the producers wanted to film a comedy
    19. My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen my balls in pictures.
    RE: Suppose it's hard to see things when it's buried in another guys ass
    20. My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run.
    RE: And it's proof to his skill. Using something that small to hit a baseball that far is amazing.
    21. My dick runs the 440 in fifteen seconds.
    RE: I'm more impressed that you found a gay track runner that would let you straddle his head.
    22. My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob.
    RE: ...This doesn't even make sense...
    23. No matter where I go, my dick always gets there first.
    RE: It's because your boyfriend has it in his purse
    24. My dick takes longer lunches than I do.
    RE: Man. I'm having a hard time making sense of some of these. The best I can come up with for this one is: It's because you eat slow with another guy's dick in your mouth
    25. My dick contributed $50,000 to the Democratic National Committee.
    RE: Enough about the last guy you sucked off
    26. My dick was once the ambassador to China.
    RE: And he was still smaller than the Chinese
    27. My dick is so big, it's gone condo.
    RE: Huh?...No, seriously... This doesn't cut it, either. You've decided that large buildings are a penis euphemism. Here: Why? Because only the elderly will hop on them?
    28. My dick hit 370 in the minors before it hurt its knee.
    RE: Congratulations on the deformity.
    29. My dick was almost drafted by the Cleveland Browns, but Art Modell didn't want a bigger dick than he was on the team.
    RE: And your lover got kicked off? That's sad. What is he doing for work now?
    30. My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler.
    RE: Why are we bringing your girlfriend's massive vagina into this conversation?
    3 I. It's so big, when it rains the head of my dick doesn't get wet.
    RE: Hard to get wet when it's inside a guy
    32. My dick is so big, I could wear it as a tie if I' wasn't so afraid of getting a hard-on and killing my- selú
    RE: I'll only assume your boss has a giant schwantz that he has threatened to cram down your throat if you ever dress up for work. Otherwise, this is the dumbest damn joke ever.
    33. My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper.
    RE: Mom doesn't want you around anything you can chew and break teeth on?
    34. My dick is so big, it has feet.
    RE: Deformities are nothing to brag about.
    35. My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it.
    RE: Crabs are not homeless.
    36. My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and a team of Clydesdales to jack me oft:
    RE: If you like to f*** fat women, that's your deal. The Clydesdale... That's a different story that the government would like to talk about
    37. My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for three extra days.
    RE: If you call your head your dick, that makes sense. Hell, either way. Both have the same ability to think logically.
    38. My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to test my condoms.
    RE: They use the bullet train because it gets from point a to b slower than you do, quick-shot.
    39. My dick is so big, it has investors.
    RE: Your dick has investors because Ripley's called and they wanted to know how something could be so damn pathetic
    40. My dick is so big, it seats six.
    RE: Crabs. I know. Your mom called.
    41. My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring.
    RE: And with all that extra space, I'll just assume your mom and sisters hopped in for fun
    42. My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole.
    RE: Again, parties are reserved for people. If the crabs are hopping underneath it, it's sad, and needs to be taken care of.
    43. My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next remake.
    RE: And the remake will be .2 seconds long
    44. My dick is so big, it has an opening act.
    RE: And that act is a reenactment of your last sexual encounter
    45. My dick is so big I can **** an elevator shaft.
    RE: And pray you hit a side
    46. My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box.
    RE: If you're that broke, Planned Parenthood has free condoms
    47. My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings.
    RE: Enough about your boyfriend being fat
    48. My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole in the middle of it so cars could get through.
    RE: Are micro machines REALLY that big?
    49. My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse.
    RE: And I'm sure your boyfriend enjoys having the sun out of his eyes for just a second
    50. My dick is so big, it only plays arenas.
    RE: And so does Def Leppard. And just like Def Leppard, your dick is missing something that women like in a man
    51. If you cut my dick in two, you can tell how old I am.
    RE: And as far as we can tell, you're one.
    52. My dick was once set on fire for a Dino DiLaurentis movie.
    RE: And just like Dino DiLaurentis, your dick is now irrelevant.
    53. My dick is so big, it needs an airplane warning light.
    RE: Any way you can warn chicks that you have herpes works for the rest of us
    54. My dick is so big, Trump owns it.
    RE: And the things Trump owns are consistently being devalued. Congratulations.
    55. My dick is so big that we're all a part of it, and it's all a part of us.
    RE: This... No. This is dumb. Things that are "all part of us, and we're all part of it" are on a molecular level. You're dumb for this.
    56. My dick is so big, I can never sit in the front row.
    RE: You can't sit in the front row because it's impossible to see the screen with your face buried in your boyfriends crotch at that level. Try going up to the top row.
    57. My dick is so big, it has its own dick. And even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.
    RE: As for these "I'm a goddamn mutant" knocks, it doesn't work. It's just... Wrong, and not funny.
    58. My dick is so big, you can't blow me without a ladder.
    RE: I can't blow you without a ladder because you're consistently outside your mother's room
    59. My dick is so big, it only does one show a night.
    RE: Don't bring your longevity into this.
    60. My dick is so big, you can ski down it.
    RE: Being curved is nothing to be proud of
    61. My dick is so big, it has an elbow.
    RE: Again, mutations aren't anything cool.
    62. My dick is so big, I have to check it as luggage when I fly.
    RE: Your dick needs to be checked as luggage because the FAA assumes it to be a biological weapon. Try some antibiotics.
    63. My dick is so big, it has a personal trainer.
    RE: That doesn't mean your dick is big. It means you're trying to get your dick to that point. The rest of us don't need a trainer to increase size.
    64. My dick is so big, that right now it's in the other room fixing us drinks.
    RE: Don't talk about your mother that way.
    65. My dick is so big, it has a retractable dome.
    RE: Get circumcised, you filthy bitch


    Bah - I'm bored of this. You guys can finish off the last 35 for me.

  12. #12
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    not tonight lol it's very nice to meet you, welcome to the Roo!

  13. #13
    Jokeroo VIP Status Anna's Avatar
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    as an well established roo member I would say:
    Proof It!!!!!!!!
    +


  14. #14
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    lol ... *high five 'gin Anna!* lol

  15. #15
    Member numbr77's Avatar
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    The love story of Ralph and Edna...



    Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna we re both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

    He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

    Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

    When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

    The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

    Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

    Happy Mental Health Day!

    You can do your bit by remembering to send thisl to your unstable friends...

    Done my part!!!

  16. #16
    Jokeroo VIP Status sexysadie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by numbr77 View Post
    The love story of Ralph and Edna...



    Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna we re both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

    He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

    Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

    When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

    The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

    Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

    Happy Mental Health Day!

    You can do your bit by remembering to send thisl to your unstable friends...

    Done my part!!!

    Laffin'..








  17. #17
    Member roosterowl1's Avatar
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    He would have to keep his dick in a blood bank to get iy up!



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