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Thread: Hark, I hear the cannons roar!

  1. #1
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    Default Hark, I hear the cannons roar!

    An out of work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I've got you a job" says his agent.

    "That's great" says the actor, what is it?"

    "Well" says his agent "it's a one-liner"

    "That's okay" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything; What's the line?"

    "'Hark I hear the cannons roar'" says the agent.

    "I love it" says the actor "When's the audition?"

    "Wednesday" says the agent.

    Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts: "Hark I hear the cannons roar".

    "Brilliant" says the director, "you've got the job, be here 9 o'clock Saturday evening".

    The actor is so chuffed he got the job that he goes on a major bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theatre continually repeating his line; "Hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar".

    He arrives at the stage entrance, out of breath and is stopped by the bouncer. "Who the hell are you?" asks the bouncer.

    "I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"

    "You're 'hark I hear the cannons roar', you're late, get up to makeup straight away.

    So he runs up to make up. "Who the hell are you" asks the makeup girl.

    "I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"

    "You're "hark I hear the cannons roar", you're late, sit down here" and she applies the makeup. "Now quick, get down to the stage, you're about to go on"

    So he dashes down to the stage. "Who the hell are you" asks the stage manager.

    "I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"

    "You're 'hark I hear the cannons roar', get on there, the curtains about to go up"

    So he tears onto the stage. The curtains rise, the house is full.

    Suddenly there is an almighty bang behind him, and the actor shouts

    "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"










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  2. #2
    Jokeroo Enthusiast buttercups's Avatar
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    i think that was a more apprpriate response! LOL!



  3. #3
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    I think he was unprepared for that! lol










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    Jokeroo VIP Status Wiremaster's Avatar
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    Someone forgot to tell him about the sound effects LOL





  5. #5
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    yes lol he should've made it to the dress rehearsal lol










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    Jokeroo VIP Status Wiremaster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squirt
    yes lol he should've made it to the dress rehearsal lol
    LOL forgot to tell him that LOL





  7. #7
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiremaster
    LOL forgot to tell him that LOL
    I went back and read it lol it doesn't say anything about a dress rehearsal lol you're right! lol










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    Jokeroo VIP Status Wiremaster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squirt
    I went back and read it lol it doesn't say anything about a dress rehearsal lol you're right! lol
    LOL the loung must've scared the shit right out of him LOL





  9. #9
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiremaster
    LOL the loung must've scared the shit right out of him LOL
    maybe if he'd gotten there early, they could've warned him lol this joke makes me laugh ... still! lol










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    Jokeroo VIP Status Wiremaster's Avatar
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    LOL it makes me laugh picturing that guy on the stage LOL





  11. #11
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiremaster
    LOL it makes me laugh picturing that guy on the stage LOL
    he was SO convinced that he was SO ready! lol I wonder if he wet himself? lol










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    Quote Originally Posted by squirt
    he was SO convinced that he was SO ready! lol I wonder if he wet himself? lol
    Probably soiled his underwear LOL





  13. #13
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiremaster
    Probably soiled his underwear LOL
    ya know lol loosely translated lol "hark I hear the cannons" DOES mean "what the fuck was that" lol the play can still go on lol










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  14. #14
    Jokeroo VIP Status Wiremaster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squirt
    ya know lol loosely translated lol "hark I hear the cannons" DOES mean "what the fuck was that" lol the play can still go on lol
    LOL the audience will never know, they don't have the script LOL





  15. #15
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiremaster
    LOL the audience will never know, they don't have the script LOL
    the show must go on! lol










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    Jokeroo Legend arella's Avatar
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    LMFAO!!! He messed that up!!!





  17. #17
    Super Moderator squirt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arella
    LMFAO!!! He messed that up!!!
    yep lol think he'll get paid? lol










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  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by squirt
    the show must go on! lol
    Of course they'll need a quick intermission so he can xhange his shorts LOL





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