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Thread: Women who use hot wax!!

  1. #1
    Senior Member dads540's Avatar
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    Jan 2004
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    Smile Women who use hot wax!!

    I laughed so hard, I was crying. DON'T TRY THIS!!!!
    One Woman's Tale of Woe

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,

    painless removal - The epilate, scissors, razors, Nair and now... the wax.

    My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,

    play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in

    my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out

    of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the

    bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot

    wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and
    you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and

    you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I

    mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure

    this out. (YA THINK!?!)

    So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other

    stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so

    I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"

    yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it

    tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it

    wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
    She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

    With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak

    back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I

    drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same

    procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini

    line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the

    inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and

    brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

    I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision

    returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.

    CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and

    spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear

    crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

    I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused

    me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in

    the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

    There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

    Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the

    hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.

    CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is

    now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

    Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up

    on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

    DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut!

    Butt?? Sealed shut!

    I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and

    think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may

    pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts

    wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,

    immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently

    wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*

    I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
    torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now,

    the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is

    having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the

    scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now

    I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself

    to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months

    ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

    I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some

    secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter

    "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

    There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal

    but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly

    where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?"

    She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown

    and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!!

    Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go

    through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a

    razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in

    hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then

    dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working,

    dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need

    Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

    My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving

    grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do

    I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

    The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my

    friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It

    works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

    I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my

    grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF

    IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.

    Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point
    Next week I'm going to try hair color......

    Thank You Cynthia!!!

    Thank you Aurora!!

  2. #2
    Senior Member dads540's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Rep Power

    Smile something to offend everyone

    Something to Offend Everyone

    What is a Yankee?
    The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone

    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
    The position of the dirt bag.
    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.
    What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
    Why is air a lot like sex?
    Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.
    What do attorneys use for birth control?
    Their personalities.
    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    45 lbs. (ouch)
    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
    45 minutes.
    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.
    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.
    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.
    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
    A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
    The blonde, because she's 18.
    Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
    Because they have cotton balls.
    What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"
    What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
    Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.
    Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
    What's the Cuban National Anthem?
    "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
    Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
    A different bar.
    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment..
    What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
    They're hiring.
    What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."
    How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!
    What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
    A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."

    A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

    Thank You Cynthia!!!

    Thank you Aurora!!

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