Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."



Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto land very rough."
Solution: "Auto land not installed on this aircraft."



Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."

Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."


Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."



Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."



Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."



Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."



Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."