Where do I go to from here?

AutumnRain · 06-08-2009, 03:24 PM

ive just been on holiday.. met someone I have known since i was 6.. and someone whom I have been talking to a lot lately..
we had a few drinks, we danced, we walked home, we talked til the small hours..we kissed, we make plans to meet the next day... next day we meet but theres distance about us.. we talk and walk and talk n walk... then we find a quiet cafe where we sit n talk.. and its clear theres a huge attraction between us..we both want to try and work around the distance and family thing (he's divorced with kids)..So that being that I am heading off to see him again soon.
now... i asked the kids how they would feel about me dating and it didnt go down too well with one of them... flatly refuses to even discuss it with me..cried and screamed and wont listen to what i had to say... she heard the " how would you feel if" and went off at me...

how on earth should I handle this?
my kids are my first priority and they know that..i'd never do anything to upset them,.. is this fair on me tho..after everything we have gone through is it ufair to want a little male company?

**squirt** · 06-08-2009, 03:27 PM

time ... give it time ... there is nothing wrong with you wanting a bit of the opposite sex's company, and your child should and probably will realize that it takes nothing away from their Dad, could be nothing comes of it, could be everything does, keep in mind that children grow up and move away, you need to be mindful of YOUR future too! *hugs* ♥

doulfins11 · 06-08-2009, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squirt

time ... give it time ... there is nothing wrong with you wanting a bit of the opposite sex's company, and your child should and probably will realize that it takes nothing away from their Dad, could be nothing comes of it, could be everything does, keep in mind that children grow up and move away, you need to be mindful of YOUR future too! *hugs* ♥

that is so true, my son didn't like the idea but once he saw that i was happy and as long as he treats your kids with respect an love even as a friend. You need a life too! we only have one life and we are never promised the next day anyway. That my two cents. And I have been a step parent too and she's 15 now!

sexysadie · 06-08-2009, 03:41 PM

It's only natural that your children feel the way that they do AR, you're their mother, and in their eyes, that's all you should be. She's hurt, sit down with her and explain how you feel one on one. Remind her that nobody will ever take their fathers place in their lives OR yours.

I know that it's an extremely difficult situation, but when all is said and done, you need a life as well, and I think that you should go for it, life is way too short to put off living. You're a woman, you can still be a mother and be a human being with needs as well....it's funny how we allow ourselves to feel guilty for that. I wouldnt' suggest flaunting it in their faces right away, give it time, introduce him to your family slowly, kids are amazing little creatures, they'll adjust.

I wish you all the best!

stevent222 · 06-08-2009, 03:57 PM

AutumnRain I just looked at your profile picture, your kids are like what? Preteen?

Time they know you love them and going to work on you for that.

Always let them know that there Dad will always be there Dad but he isn't in your life anymore.

I've had two stepchildren the oldest girl didn't want anything to do with me, the youngest boy thought I was cool. It's like the song, can't please everybody so you've got to please yourself.

AutumnRain · 06-08-2009, 05:23 PM

my kids are 17 16 and 13

Im not sure.. the more i think about this the less I like the idea

**squirt** · 06-08-2009, 05:33 PM

only you can determine what you're comfy with ... and what you're not ... I understand the ... need? to let your kids know that they are important, and are part of the decision making process ... but don't sell yourself short either

AutumnRain · 06-09-2009, 10:21 AM

well i know he's keen..i called him last night and we spoke.. and he texted me this morning.. its mixed emotions and mixed signals at the moment... we both have issues

sexysadie · 06-09-2009, 11:12 AM

You mentioned that you've known this man since you were 6, so I can understand why you feel so comfortable around him. You went dancing and had a good time, is there anything wrong with that? Whatever you decide to do, do it for you AR....your kids love you and they will understand. (follow your heart)

AutumnRain · 06-09-2009, 01:14 PM

thing is I REALLY like this guy...
distance and personal issues are what keep us apart..
when he held my hand it felt right.. not comfy, or sweet or sweaty but right.. when he kissed my forehead it felt right.. again not slimey or comfy but right.. when he kissed my lips I froze, and i was scared, but I enjoyed it and I wanted it.. I held back tho cos issues as i keep saying..
yeah Sadie ive known him since we were little kids..
I dunno... guess we'll see when we meet again in 3 weeks

06-08-2009, 03:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
AutumnRain Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: VestJylland Posts: 3,526 Rep Power: 1294	Where do I go to from here? ive just been on holiday.. met someone I have known since i was 6.. and someone whom I have been talking to a lot lately.. we had a few drinks, we danced, we walked home, we talked til the small hours..we kissed, we make plans to meet the next day... next day we meet but theres distance about us.. we talk and walk and talk n walk... then we find a quiet cafe where we sit n talk.. and its clear theres a huge attraction between us..we both want to try and work around the distance and family thing (he's divorced with kids)..So that being that I am heading off to see him again soon. now... i asked the kids how they would feel about me dating and it didnt go down too well with one of them... flatly refuses to even discuss it with me..cried and screamed and wont listen to what i had to say... she heard the " how would you feel if" and went off at me... how on earth should I handle this? my kids are my first priority and they know that..i'd never do anything to upset them,.. is this fair on me tho..after everything we have gone through is it ufair to want a little male company? __________________ my best friend is saturday night

06-08-2009, 05:23 PM	#6 (permalink)
AutumnRain Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: VestJylland Posts: 3,526 Rep Power: 1294	my kids are 17 16 and 13 Im not sure.. the more i think about this the less I like the idea __________________ my best friend is saturday night

06-09-2009, 10:21 AM	#8 (permalink)
AutumnRain Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: VestJylland Posts: 3,526 Rep Power: 1294	well i know he's keen..i called him last night and we spoke.. and he texted me this morning.. its mixed emotions and mixed signals at the moment... we both have issues __________________ my best friend is saturday night

06-09-2009, 01:14 PM	#10 (permalink)
AutumnRain Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: VestJylland Posts: 3,526 Rep Power: 1294	thing is I REALLY like this guy... distance and personal issues are what keep us apart.. when he held my hand it felt right.. not comfy, or sweet or sweaty but right.. when he kissed my forehead it felt right.. again not slimey or comfy but right.. when he kissed my lips I froze, and i was scared, but I enjoyed it and I wanted it.. I held back tho cos issues as i keep saying.. yeah Sadie ive known him since we were little kids.. I dunno... guess we'll see when we meet again in 3 weeks __________________ my best friend is saturday night

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06-08-2009, 03:27 PM	#2 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 352,444 Rep Power: 8383	time ... give it time ... there is nothing wrong with you wanting a bit of the opposite sex's company, and your child should and probably will realize that it takes nothing away from their Dad, could be nothing comes of it, could be everything does, keep in mind that children grow up and move away, you need to be mindful of YOUR future too! hugs ♥

06-08-2009, 03:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
sexysadie Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: In my little corner of the world! Posts: 52,325 Rep Power: 4204	It's only natural that your children feel the way that they do AR, you're their mother, and in their eyes, that's all you should be. She's hurt, sit down with her and explain how you feel one on one. Remind her that nobody will ever take their fathers place in their lives OR yours. I know that it's an extremely difficult situation, but when all is said and done, you need a life as well, and I think that you should go for it, life is way too short to put off living. You're a woman, you can still be a mother and be a human being with needs as well....it's funny how we allow ourselves to feel guilty for that. I wouldnt' suggest flaunting it in their faces right away, give it time, introduce him to your family slowly, kids are amazing little creatures, they'll adjust. I wish you all the best!

06-08-2009, 03:57 PM	#5 (permalink)
stevent222 Jokaroo Enthusiast Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Hemet, CA. 92544 zip Posts: 29,874 Blog Entries: 11 Rep Power: 2976	AutumnRain I just looked at your profile picture, your kids are like what? Preteen? Time they know you love them and going to work on you for that. Always let them know that there Dad will always be there Dad but he isn't in your life anymore. I've had two stepchildren the oldest girl didn't want anything to do with me, the youngest boy thought I was cool. It's like the song, can't please everybody so you've got to please yourself.

06-08-2009, 05:33 PM	#7 (permalink)
squirt Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 352,444 Rep Power: 8383	only you can determine what you're comfy with ... and what you're not ... I understand the ... need? to let your kids know that they are important, and are part of the decision making process ... but don't sell yourself short either

06-09-2009, 11:12 AM	#9 (permalink)
sexysadie Jokaroo VIP Status Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: In my little corner of the world! Posts: 52,325 Rep Power: 4204	You mentioned that you've known this man since you were 6, so I can understand why you feel so comfortable around him. You went dancing and had a good time, is there anything wrong with that? Whatever you decide to do, do it for you AR....your kids love you and they will understand. (follow your heart)