The Special Lady in Your Life

[Spider's Gal]

Hugs back atcha.... Actually it's not so much hesitation to air it as much as it's DUH why did I marry him in the first place when the signs were all there? Only excuse I have is that I was young...

[Nympheas]

We've had that conversation too. Asking why did we get married.
It's interesting seeing the difference in expectations in hindsight
Being told one thing years ago only to find out that it was to
appease and seem agreeable.
Don't really want to dwell there so much because it brings
feelings of regret and would-have, should-haves.
I can definitely say that waiting would have been a good thing
but looking forward, I want to see how to work towards a real
companionship. What I hear and read is having that conversation
with all involved, setting boundaries, etc. But what I imagine there
will be and has been for years, is hesitance and stalling. I know for
some the automatic response is work at it, try harder, and such.
All I know is that right now it's as if his family lives across town
and the family that lives here is actually "extended" family, if that
makes sense. And I've said as much.
In the what now stage I guess... Meh. Leaving it be for now.
Too tired...

[AutumnRain]

hubs and I had 18 years before he was taken from me..
in those 18 years he put me first and his mother came way down the list..however i felt and i still do feel that I am fighting my MIL for him..she tried desperately to be his number 1 when he was alive.. and she seems determined to make our memories her own!

[Nympheas]

I'm honestly not saying that I think a mom shouldn't hold importance in her son's life. If there's been drama to the point where a man has to set harsh boundaries that end up alienating mom, then perhaps there was a competition for his attentions.

Which leads me to this. I would love to have a mom's input, whether it's a mom of adult sons who are married or dating. I'm really curious about what is behind this. (My little guys are still young so I can't speak from that viewpoint just yet)

I wonder if in single parent households, are the sons when young tagged as "the man of the house".... to the point where they are now older and somehow the mom isn't losing a son, gaining a daughter as the saying goes... but is she somehow losing her "man"? I swear it's almost as if there is a competition between two women who want the same guy and the girlfriend or new wife is somehow viewed and treated as the mistress.
The men that I know personally who seem to have the whole wife-MIL issues came from homes where it was mom working to take care of her family solo. But do the roles in the family get confused?...


AR, I read a different thread where you were talking about how even after losing your husband, that competition is still there... I would be overwhelmed with dealing with both that kind of loss and that level of disrepect at the same time. I swear I wouldn't mind moving to another state. Lived here all my life but.... *sigh*

[squirt]

I have 2 adult sons, one is married to a girl he met on the internet, they've been married 6-7 years, something like that lol the other is divorced and currently engaged lol I do my best to stay out of their personal lives

[Nympheas]

Originally Posted by squirt

I have 2 adult sons, one is married to a girl he met on the internet, they've been married 6-7 years, something like that lol the other is divorced and currently engaged lol I do my best to stay out of their personal lives

Is there a good relationship between everyone?

One of the concerns expressed here was wanting a big, happy family, etc.
So part of the not speaking up for me thing when lines get crossed is with the hopes of keeping the peace and somehow he imagines that not saying anything will contribute to this idea of a big happy family.



so bummed right now.
I might have to come back to this later anyway....

Is why I'm not here as much as before. A little down

[squirt]

but then it's just an illusion, an appearance of peace, wounds left to fester often have a way infecting everything

as far as I can tell, there aren't any underlying currents of discontent, everyone gets along as well as most folks, we're all more of the say what's on your mind kind lol if that's not done, the air is never clear!

hang in there sunshine ... *big hugs 'n love*

[sunburstlespaulhero1989]

it could be how they are wired!

[Nympheas]

Originally Posted by squirt

but then it's just an illusion, an appearance of peace, wounds left to fester often have a way infecting everything

as far as I can tell, there aren't any underlying currents of discontent, everyone gets along as well as most folks, we're all more of the say what's on your mind kind lol if that's not done, the air is never clear!

hang in there sunshine ... *big hugs 'n love*

will do
*big hugs*

Originally Posted by sunburstlespaulhero1989

it could be how they are wired!

Im gonna adopt you. That made me laugh

[AutumnRain]

i am a single parent with a teenage son.. i try and stay out of his life as much as possible.. he is very protective of me tho..
ive told him that I am the parent and he is the child.. he just smiles and says that someone needs to look after me... it makes me smile and i am so touched but i shoo him off to be with his mates.. altho i will admit he sat down with tissues to watch a girly movie with me last weekend instead of being at a party with his mates