The Special Lady in Your Life

[Nympheas]

I'm sure there will be different views expressed and all but I'm putting this here in Relationships because that is what came to mind when watching the video (that I couldn't find, sorries!). Not anything necessarily "debate-y" but.... here it is.

Was watching Ozzie's induction speech into the Hall of Fame the other night and he got choked up while talking about 2 special ladies in his life who supported him, etc. He mentions his wife, quickly followed by "but the special lady in my life..." mom...

...and I'm thinking, that felt ...just off. Not wrong, but off. Yes, mom is very important in our lives no matter how old we get. But what is it that makes so many men place moms above wives. Are they not special in different ways? A marriage being placed in some sort of sequential order to a mother-child relationship creates the strain in dealing with in-laws. And it encourages the notion that somehow a mother-in-law is the matriarch in a house without even needing to be present there.




And of course I'm sitting beside someone that was like... awww how sweet. Maybe that got to me because of a conversation about lines clearly being crossed and the response was, I know I'm supposed to speak up for my mom... I mean my wife.
Oh my....


Thoughts?

[squirt]

hubby has always put me first, and it set boundaries that to this day my mother in law doesn't cross lol

[Nympheas]

Now I'm gonna say it....

that's sweet


I haven't been writing in a while now but dwelling on this is going to help some unspoken words make it to the page, that's for sure...

[squirt]

hubby and I are celebrating 33 years together, if the relationship doesn't come first, it's gonna be rocky *at best!*

[numbr77]

How Very Very True Squirt! Coming Up On 43Yrs. 11/ 05/ 1966

[squirt]

*high five!!!* lol Congratulations to you and your very very lucky lady!

[GOLDEN_GIRL]

I hope I can make it to those numbers, Hubby & I are going on 7 years this December.
Squirt your right, you have to make it work to make it last. A lot of people are so quick to leave when trouble arises but it's not always easy times and if you can work through those times both will be stronger together.

[Nympheas]

Anyone have specific experiences about feeling like your husband
didn't truly leave home yet but is still under mom's roof
and specifically how was that handled and true partnership
gained from it?



bump:

Originally Posted by Nympheas

I'm sure there will be different views expressed and all but I'm putting this here in Relationships because that is what came to mind when watching the video (that I couldn't find, sorries!). Not anything necessarily "debate-y" but.... here it is.

Was watching Ozzie's induction speech into the Hall of Fame the other night and he got choked up while talking about 2 special ladies in his life who supported him, etc. He mentions his wife, quickly followed by "but the special lady in my life..." mom...

...and I'm thinking, that felt ...just off. Not wrong, but off. Yes, mom is very important in our lives no matter how old we get. But what is it that makes so many men place moms above wives. Are they not special in different ways? A marriage being placed in some sort of sequential order to a mother-child relationship creates the strain in dealing with in-laws. And it encourages the notion that somehow a mother-in-law is the matriarch in a house without even needing to be present there.




And of course I'm sitting beside someone that was like... awww how sweet. Maybe that got to me because of a conversation about lines clearly being crossed and the response was, I know I'm supposed to speak up for my mom... I mean my wife.
Oh my....


Thoughts?

[Spider's Gal]

Ok I'll air my dirty laundry.... My ex always ran to mommy when we had a disagreement... She would justify everything he did because he was her baby and I was always wrong... The day he broke a few vertebrea in my back and the law was called... She was there before they came to arrest him and followed the cruiser to the jail... Her baby once again wasn't at fault... I provoked it all... I'm not saying there were times I was 100% right...no one is perfect... But in my case my ex was never made to take any responsibility for his actions at all... His mom set no boundries, cleaned up after him until I started living with him, and bailed him out of any trouble he found himself in... Anything to make it alright for her baby... To this day I remain civil but distant to that whole side of my children's family and I'll keep it that way... My children hopefully will grow up to be great human beings under my parenting... So this particular MIL got what she wanted.... her baby under her thumb again and he seems happy enough to be there... P.S. the oldest brother is a pill popper that still lives at home with mommy at the ripe old age of 46 with a crapload of debt, no job, and a child to support.... Mommy in law didn't just ruin my ex...

[Nympheas]

geez... see now.

That is something that worries me. Being parented as an adult and unable or unwilling to be truly independant from the homes we grew up in. I swear everytime something goes wrong w/my brother-in-law, dude ends up right back home. 30+
The sister never left and hasn't begun to make plans to... not until they can "get her married off." I don't understand being satisfied with having adult children who are unable to stand on their own and enabling that kind of dependancy.
I keep my distance too and bite my tongue. Alot. Problem with that is, I may blow up one day. There's other stuff going on too... that has me REally uncomfortable with dealing with them... and that has been the main reason why I need someone in my corner. But it hasn't felt that way...
Supposedly, there is going to be a "sit-down" very soon. Almost fell over hearing that suggested for the first time in 9yrs....
Will see how that goes, or IF it goes...


(SG, I understand the hesitance in airing stuff so I truly appreciate your sharing and being straight about it.)

*Big hugs*