jokes jokes jokes ..

[lala dada]

1-couple married
This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out into town and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back..." "Where are you going coochy cooh...?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife says to him, "You want a beer my love?" Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing he can think of saying is, "Yes, honey bunny...but the bar.... you know...the frozen glass..." He didn't get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass puppy face?" She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, says, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the >bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long.


>I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres poochi pooh?" She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips,etc. "But sweet honey...at the bar...you know...the swearing, the dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words cutie pie?...HERE, DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR FROZEN FUCKING MUG AND EAT YOUR FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT ASSHOLE?!!

2-Mother in law
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her."


3-breast fed
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting
> >for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
> >
> >The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a
> >little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
> >
> >"Breast-fed" she replied.
> >
> >"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He
> >pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for
> >a while in a detailed examination.
> >
> >Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is
> >underweight. You don't have any milk."
> >
> >"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
>


4-rainning
Two older women are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. One of them takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke. A minute later it starts to rain so the women who is smoking takes out a condom, cut's of the end and carefully placed it over the cigarette the shield it form the rain. The other lady looks at that and sais

"Thats such a good idea, but what is that plastic thing?
"It's a condom." The other lady says
"Well where can you buy those?"
"Um... Most people buy them at pharmacies"

So the lady who was asking all the questions goes to a pharmacie and walks up to the counter.

"Do you guys sell those condom things?" The lady says to the pharmacist "Why yes we do," the pharmacist says a little confused "do you know what size you need?"

So the lady says "Well its got to fit a Camel."


5-
A little girl comes home after playing with her best friend, Johnny.
"Mommy, mommy! Johnny has a penis like a peanut!"
The mother, slightly perplexed asks "What do you mean? Is it
shaped like a peanut?"
The little girl looks up to her mother with an innocent look on her
face and says:
"No silly! It tastes salty!!"


6-After a long night of making love, the guy rolls over and is
looking around when he notices a framed picture of another
man on the night stand by the bed. Naturally, he began to
worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he said, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she said.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.


HOPE IT PUTS A SMILE ON UR FACES

[Tiffy]

[Strawberry_Creamy]

lala - I can't stand it! - who is the guy in the picture??

[sewnutzcl1]

Posted by Strawberry_Creamy - 02-20-2004 at 12:07 AM lala - I can't stand it! - who is the guy in the picture??

That's what I want to know too!

[theifoncross]

Originally Posted by sewnutzcl1

That's what I want to know too!

ME THREE!!!!!!

[sallyanne]

Originally Posted by Strawberry_Creamy

lala - I can't stand it! - who is the guy in the picture??

I know who the guy in the pic is. It's her before the operation!

[grandpak]

they were all funny, the last couple I had heard before but still enjoyed them.

[lala dada]

S**T LOOOOL OOOPPSS WELL LIKE sallyanne SAID EX GOOD GUESS SOOWEEE FOLKS

[sallyanne]

Originally Posted by lala dada

S**T LOOOOL OOOPPSS WELL LIKE sallyanne SAID EX GOOD GUESS SOOWEEE FOLKS

lol.. Sorry... I'd heard that one before.

[lala dada]