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Thread: Little Johnny

  1. #21
    Junior Member biggin's Avatar
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    Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to
    learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
    multi-syllable word?'

    Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'

    Miss Rogers: 'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

    Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

    Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

    Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

  2. #22
    Junior Member biggin's Avatar
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    One day, while sitting in school little Johnnys teacher informs the class that today, to learn new vocabulary, that the students will have to come up with a word for different letters of the alphabet. Little Johnny is the first to raise his hand, however the teacher is afraid to call on him remembering the incident with the rat. The class goes through most of the alphabet and make there way to w. The teacher decides to call on Johnny and asks 'what is your word for W Johnny?' He replies 'Whoom' Confused she says 'Womb?' he says 'Whoom you know like two elephants fuckin whoom, whoom, whoom'.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Pixsurguy's Avatar
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    The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him.

    The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.

    The principal replies that he knows little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth.

    Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story.

    After listening he replies: "I cannot see why you are making such a big issue out of this; we will get three quotations and fix the damned wall."

    **********

    Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy
    bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across
    from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.
    It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
    Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

    The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

    Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business!"



    Huh?
    What?
    I mean . . . .
    But . . . .

  4. #24
    Senior Member Pixsurguy's Avatar
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    A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

    She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot."

    The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

    Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU.
    There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
    One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
    The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
    The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

    Which one is married?"
    The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well I suppose
    the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone"

    To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on,... but I like your thinking."



    Huh?
    What?
    I mean . . . .
    But . . . .

  5. #25
    Senior Member Pixsurguy's Avatar
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    Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
    "Why?" asks the father.

    "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
    "But that's right!"

    "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
    "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

    "That's what I said!



    Huh?
    What?
    I mean . . . .
    But . . . .

  6. #26
    Senior Member Pixsurguy's Avatar
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    Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

    Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'
    Miss Rogers: "All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

    Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
    Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

    Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".



    Huh?
    What?
    I mean . . . .
    But . . . .

  7. #27
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crudebug View Post
    This young Johnny seems awfuly familiar to you Squirtie...
    Is he one of the famous Squirteroo grandkids?
    rotflmao
    Little Johnny is infamous, known for his mischief lol my grandson's names are Justin and Sebastian lol :p










    Love many things, for therein lies the true strength
    and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much
    and what is done in love is done well ♥

  8. #28
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    The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"

    Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.

    Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.

    Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Silicone?

    Why silicone, Little Johnny?"

    "Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"










    Love many things, for therein lies the true strength
    and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much
    and what is done in love is done well ♥

  9. #29
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    The nice lady teacher decides to play a guessing game with her second grade students one day. She reaches into her desk drawer and says, "Jenny, I have something in my hand. It's round, sweet and orange in color. What is it?" "That's easy! It's an orange!" Little Jenny says. "Correct!" says the teacher. She then reaches into the drawer and says, "Billy, I have something in my hand. It's long, skinny and yellow. What is it?" Little Billy thinks for a minute and says, "It's a pencil!" "Correct!" says the teacher. Before she has a chance to reach into her desk again, Little Johnny stands up and, with his hand in his pocket, says, "Hey teacher! I have my hand on something. It's round, hard and has a head on it." "Johnny!" the teacher exclaims. "You march to the principal's office right NOW, young man!" As he walks past the teacher, Little Johnny removes his hand from his pocket and pulls out a quarter.










    Love many things, for therein lies the true strength
    and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much
    and what is done in love is done well ♥

  10. #30
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Little Johnny says "Mom, what kind of bird brings white babies?" His mom says, "Why, a stork, little Johnny." Little Johnny says, "Mom, what kind of bird brings black babies?" His mom says, "A raven, dear." Little Johnny then says, "Then what kind of bird brings no babies at all?" His mom says, "A swallow!"

  11. #31
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!"

    "Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered.

    "Good, Jane." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven.

    "Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said. Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".

    The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"

    Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."

  12. #32
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    Little Johnny is visiting his cousin in the country and they decide to go for a walk down the back roads. After about three miles they find a used rubber lying by the road.

    "Hey," Little Johnny, the dumbass city boys says, "look, some cow lost one of its titties!"

    "Let's go give it to the farmer!" says his cousin.

    So, they work they way up to the farmhouse. They knock on the door and out comes the farmer.

    "Hey, Mister, we found a cow titty. Ya want it back?" says Little Johnny.

    The farmer didn't feel like conducting a mini sex ed seminar, said, "Sure, uhhh, here's a dollar for your trouble."

    Little Johnny hands over the rubber and head on back down the road.

    After a little while Little Johnny says "You know, I bet we could have got more than a buck if I hadn't drank the milk out of it!"

  13. #33
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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  14. #34
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    A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when Little Johnny, covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell me the time?"

    The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man."

    "Thanks," said Johnny. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my ass."

    With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. He has not been running long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running like this at your age?" asked the friend.

    Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!"

    "So what's your hurry?" said the friend. "You still have ten minutes."










    Love many things, for therein lies the true strength
    and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much
    and what is done in love is done well ♥

  15. #35
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    Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was just the cutest thing that he had ever heard, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine." By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky sofar" Mr. Smith doesn't think the little s**t is adorable anymore.

  16. #36
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    Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go to the toy department, but grandmother said that they had to stop in the ladies clothing department first. Little Johnny obviously couldn't wait that long, and the next time his grandmother turned around he was gone. She panicked and looked everywhere for him, but he had disappeared. Finally she went to the customer service desk, intending to have them announce his name over the PA system. To her relief he was already there waiting for her. The woman at the desk said, "He wanted us to announce your name over the PA system, but he didn't' know what your name was. We asked him what his daddy called you, and he replied 'mom', next we asked him what Grandpa called you and he replied 'sugar'. We were almost out of questions for him when another lady suggested that your daughter-in-law might call you by your first name." "We were so happy to see you show up at the desk," she continued, "because when we asked him what his mommy called you, we were out of ideas!" "Well," asked Little Johnny's grandmother curiously, "What did he say?" "He said," she replied, "that his mother called you 'A Bitch'!"

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    Billy asked his mother, "Can I go over to Little Johnnie's house and watch the magic show?" Billy's mother replied, "Whatever do you mean, dear?" He answered, "The one Johnny's mom performs ... I heard her tell Miss Figpot that she got $600 for doing six tricks last night. That must be some kind of show!"

  18. #38
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squirt View Post
    One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!"

    "Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered.

    "Good, Jane." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven.

    "Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said. Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".

    The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"

    Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."
    Bet it was all sour!

  19. #39
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    Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend.

    This he did.

    The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother. 'Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.

    'I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must of been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot.

    'Finally, I found out what was making them so sick -- a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. 'When Sis saw it, she got really scared -- her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake.

    'Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again.' Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor -- lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel.

    'The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. 'After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out.

    'Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats -- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.'

    His mother fainted.










    Love many things, for therein lies the true strength
    and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much
    and what is done in love is done well ♥

  20. #40
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    Little Johnny is running around the house making life miserable for his mother. She says, "Johnny, why don't you go across the street and watch them build the house. Maybe you can learn some neat things." Johnny disappears for about four hours and returns later in the afternoon just as Dad gets home from work. "Did you learn anything interesting today?" his father asks. "I learned how to hang a door," Johnny replies. Dad says, "That's great! How do you do that?" "Well, first you get the son of bitch. Then, you slap the piece of shit up there but it's too damn small. So you shave a cunt hair off here and a cunt hair off there and put the damn thing up." Dad screams, "That's it young man. You go get a switch from the back yard." Johnny looks at his dad and says, "Screw you, that's the electrician's job!"

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