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Thread: Todays Blonde Joke......

  1. #81
    Senior Member Pixsurguy's Avatar
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    THE PLAID DILDO

    Young guy is newly hired at the sex shop and the owner tells the kid to mind the store while he goes out for lunch.
    An hour later owner comes back and asks what happened while he was gone.

    Kid tells him that a black lady came in and for $20 he sold her a black dildo.
    A white lady came in and looked at the dildos and bought a white one for $30.
    A blonde came in and looked over the dildo display and was not satisfied with what was there. Then she looked back on the counter behind the display case and said that she wanted the plaid one that was sitting on the counter. Kid said he sold her the plaid one for $40.
    Owner says he did not know that they had a plaid dildo.
    Kid says "you didn't, but she liked your Thermos Bottle so I sold it to her."

  2. #82
    Senior Member LAWRENCE's Avatar
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    Smile

    I recently saw a distraught young Blonde lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx
    [
    Last edited by LAWRENCE; 12-09-2007 at 05:33 PM.


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  3. #83
    Senior Member LAWRENCE's Avatar
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    *************
    A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX
    :D


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  4. #84
    Senior Member LAWRENCE's Avatar
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    A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race.
    The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool.
    The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out.
    Twenty minutes later, the blonde reaches the end and gets out.
    The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette,
    the silver medal goes to the redhead,
    and the bronze medal goes to the blonde".
    The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser or anything,
    but I think the other girls were using their arms!"

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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  5. #85
    Jokeroo Enthusiast longwalker's Avatar
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    Hey, one I haven't heard! lol

    Congratulations on POTD Lawrence!!


    When in doubt twirl!




  6. #86
    Member greatkahuna's Avatar
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    Thumbs down

    no coment....i might insult somebody. One has to be careful here on Jokeroo

  7. #87
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.



    Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.



    The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."



    The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

  8. #88
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    140 million iraqis and 1 blonde




    President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.





    A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"





    The barman says, "Yep, that's them."





    So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"





    Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".





    And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"





    Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."





    The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?"





    "Why kill a blonde with big tits?"





    Bush turns to Powell and says,


    "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

  9. #89
    Senior Member LAWRENCE's Avatar
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    On a hot summer day, two nuns - both young, blonde and beautiful — are working in the church library putting away books. After working feverishly to get the job done, the first nun turns to the second and says, "I can't take this heat anymore! Do you think it would be all right if we removed our shirts to cool off while we worked?"

    The second nun, feeling the heat herself, decides that it would be acceptable since no one else was present. She locked the door and closed the curtains, and then the two nuns removed their shirts and kept working. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door.

    "Who is it?" asks the first nun.

    "It's the blind man," says the voice behind the door.

    "Well, a blind man can't see our nakedness. We can let him in," the other nun says, and opens the door.

    "Wow!" says the blind man, "Nice tits! I gotta run back to the truck. Where do you want me to install these blinds?"


    *****************************


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  10. #90
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    What does a blonde call oral sex in a Honda Civic?

    Her Civic Duty

  11. #91
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Why did the blonde sell her vibrator?

    She kept chipping her teeth!

  12. #92
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    How do you drown a blonde?

    Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool.

  13. #93
    Senior Member LAWRENCE's Avatar
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    Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette,red head, and a blonde)they were all pregnant.

    The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "well I was on top when I concieved so i will have a boy".

    The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved.

    The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".


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  14. #94
    Senior Member LAWRENCE's Avatar
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    ****************

    A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
    Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
    The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"


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  15. #95
    Senior Member LAWRENCE's Avatar
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    A cop sees a car weaving so he pulls it over. He walks up and sees it's a blonde behind the wheel. When he bends down, he smells booze on her breath.

    He says, "I'm going to give you a Breathalyzer test to see if you're under the influence of alcohol."

    She blows up the balloon, then he walks it back to the police car.

    He comes back to her car and says, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."
    She says, "You mean it shows that, too?"




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  16. #96
    Member truckoflites's Avatar
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    LMAO Lawerence. Congrats on POD
    CONGRATS ON POST-OF-DAY.

  17. #97
    Senior Member LAWRENCE's Avatar
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    Default Blonde Year in Review


    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


    January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

    February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter.

    March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years".

    April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

    May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.

    June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

    July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.

    August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.

    September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C."

    October - Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel.

    November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.

    December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button




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  18. #98
    Senior Member LAWRENCE's Avatar
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    Smile

    Two blondes are working on a house. One of them, who’s nailing down siding, has been reaching into her pouch, pulling out a nail, and either tossing it over her shoulder or nailing it in. The second blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asks, "Hey—how come you’re throwing half the nails over your shoulder?"

    The first blonde explains, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed toward me, I throw it away because it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I nail it in."

    "You moron!" the second blonde yells. "The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective. They’re for the other side of the house."



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  19. #99
    Jokeroo VIP Status mountainlion20032003's Avatar
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    Talking

    A woman walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doctor I hurt all
    over."

    The doctor says, "That's impossible."

    "No really! Just look, when I touch my arm, ouch! it hurts. When I
    touch my leg, ouch! it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch! it hurts. When I
    touch my chest, ouch!!, it really hurts," she replies.

    The doctor just shakes his head and says, "You're a natural blonde
    aren't you?"

    The woman smiles and says, "Why yes I am. How did you know?"

    The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken."


  20. #100
    Senior Member goldeneagle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Barbie Doll View Post
    What about Red Heads?
    They are just bondes that are step chrildren...lol





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