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Thread: Sick Jokes

  1. #21
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 999, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

    Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

    When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

    "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

    "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

    The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

    "Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?!"

  2. #22
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    Do you suffer from shyness?
    Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

    Ask your Doctor or Pharmacist about Tequila.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    A guy bursts into a library and walks up to the book counter and shouts, "PINT OF LAGER, PLEASE, BARMAID!"

    Shocked, the librarian replies, "I'm sorry sir but this is a library!"

    Realising his mistake, the guy whispers very quietly, "sorry... pint of lager, please, barmaid."

  4. #24
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    I did some DIY with my step-ladder the other night.

    I never really got along with my real ladder.

  5. #25
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vinnie View Post
    Do you suffer from shyness?
    Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

    Ask your Doctor or Pharmacist about Tequila.
    it'll sure cure ya lol it'll make your clothes fall off too lol

  6. #26
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    I can't find a woman anywhere who will touch me with a shitty stick.
    Fair enough, it is a bit of an unusual request.



  7. #27
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    I walked into the Chiropodists this morning, undid my fly and dropped my dick on the receptionist’s counter...

    "That's not a foot!! she said...

    "I know but it's a good eleven inches!!!"

  8. #28
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    Who are the most scary people in the world?

    Joggers.

    It's them that always seem to find the bodies.

  9. #29
    Member Stooby's Avatar
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    LOL! Very funny things! This is a joke my gay friend always tells:

    What is the great thing about gays having sex in the bum?

    If they do not want the little sh*t they just flush it in the loo!

  10. #30
    Senior Member crhend's Avatar
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    Congrats on Post of the Day!!






  11. #31
    Jokeroo Enthusiast FeistyLaraCroft's Avatar
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  12. #32
    Senior Member chatroux's Avatar
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    Cute post & add-ons!!!
    [jimg]hm8d/z3/n/R/i/d/a.aaa.gif[/jimg]

    [jimg]hm8v/z3/F/R/i/d/a.aaa.jpg[/jimg]


  13. #33
    Senior Member Iceman's Avatar
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    Congratulations on POD.


  14. #34
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Love many things, for therein lies the true strength
    and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much
    and what is done in love is done well ♥

  15. #35
    Jokeroo Enthusiast Romford Lad's Avatar
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    Vinnie ~ whatever you are doing, you are in the wrong job ~ you should be a stand up comedian ~ had a laugh through the lot ~ good post.

  16. #36
    Jokeroo Enthusiast Huggies's Avatar
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    On your POD Vinnie.
    Great post hun.


    Thank you ladies!!
    Thank you Peter!!

  17. #37
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    Thank you all.....You'll have to ask Squirt about the jokes she had to remove as well!

  18. #38
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    I was fed up with being kept awake by my parents noisy lovemaking.
    I finally snapped and screamed, "For fucks sake can't you do that in your own room?"

  19. #39
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    Just my luck -- judging by the itching and the rash, I think I'm allergic to prostitutes.

  20. #40
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    Top Tip:

    Mix normal butter with 'I can't believe it's not butter' and give it to your kids at breakfast time.

    They won't know what to believe.

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