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Thread: Sick Jokes

  1. #61
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.

    So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.

    Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

  2. #62
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    How do you stop your mouth from freezing?

    Grit your teeth!

  3. #63
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    My dad walked in on me once when I was doing something naughty in my bedroom and he just sighed, said "you'll go blind if you keep doing that!", and walked out.

    So I stopped trying to poke myself in the eye with a pencil and had a wank instead.

  4. #64
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    Sky have won the rights to the World Origami Championship. Unfortunately it's only on paper view

  5. #65
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    Ferrari F1 team fires entire pit crew!

    This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for the Dole' scheme and employ some UK Liverpudlian youngsters.
    The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.
    It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.


    However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower.

  6. #66
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    Bloke goes to the doctors and says 'Doctor, I woke up this morning thinking I was an AA man!''
    Doctor replies 'Looks like you're heading for a breakdown mate.''

  7. #67
    Jokeroo Enthusiast Huggies's Avatar
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    On your POD Vinnie.
    Great post sweetie.


    Thank you ladies!!
    Thank you Peter!!

  8. #68
    Senior Member Iceman's Avatar
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    Congratulations on POD.


  9. #69
    Member MagnaCumLoudly's Avatar
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    Two PODs for the same post. Way to go!

    But save some jokes for the rest of us. You're going to use up all the world's jokes in one sitting! lol


    "All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer." --Homer Simpson

  10. #70
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    Wow, I only got my first POD last month and now two for the same thread! I'm, over the moon!
    Thank you all...I'm sure there are more to go here.

  11. #71
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    I hit a man with a baseball bat yesterday, he's got two broken arms...

    Which is what gave me the courage in the first place.

  12. #72
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    I've just discovered one of my mates is a transvestite and has had a boob job. .

    I'll never be able to look him in the face again.

  13. #73
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    Why won't Al Qaida ever bomb a Ryanair flight?

    Because they want to go straight to paradise, not 30 miles away and take a taxi.

  14. #74
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    I can't wait to see Boyzone back on stage together!

    It gives me more chance of taking them out with one bomb.

  15. #75
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    What did the Zero say to the Eight?

    "Nice Belt"

  16. #76
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    Windows.

    Such a pane.

  17. #77
    Senior Member Vinnie's Avatar
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    A girl asked me for a double entendre yesterday.

    So I gave her one.

  18. #78
    Senior Member crhend's Avatar
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    Congrats on Post of the Day!!






  19. #79
    Jokeroo Immortal stevent222's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squirt View Post
    available only on request via PM! lol :p
    HA! HA! HA! I'll just save you the time Squirt and not put any of the ones I know in here.










  20. #80
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    awwwwwwwww come on, share! lol the ones I took are not what YOU are thinking! lol I hope ... lmao :p

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