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Thread: Groaner thread (please add)

  1. #81
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    The Lone Ranger & Tonto walked into a bar. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "who owns the big white horse outside?" Lone Ranger said, "I do......why?" Cowboy said, I just thought you'd like to know your horse is almost dead." The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got Silver some water and soon he was feeling better. Lone Ranger said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to fell much better." Tonto said, "sure, Kemasabe",
    and took off running circles around Silver while Lone Ranger goes back in bar to finish his drink.

    A few minutes later another cowboy struts into the bar and asks. "who owns the big white horse outside." The Lone Ranger claims "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"

    The cowboy says, "nuthin, but you left your Injun runnin."

  2. #82
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    What was the name of the man who was always late for work?

    Mr. Bus

    go one you wanna laugh don`t you.



  3. #83
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    When I first heard about Skype I saw it written down and thought it meant Sky PE.

    Like a really shit version of Sky Sports.



  4. #84
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    Rupert Murdoch: The first Australian in history to turn up to a grilling without shrimp or piss-weak lager.



  5. #85
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    A man went to Africa to do some game hunting. While there, he hired
    a young native to accompany him as his guide. Soon, a large flock
    of birds flew overhead and the hunter took aim.
    The guide grabbed his arm and said "Oh, no! These are foo birds and
    to shoot one means terrible things will happen to you! The man
    figured that was only a superstion of the natives and shot one down.
    Then the rest of the flock returned aand pooped all over him.
    He hollared at the boy, "I must have some water right away to wash
    this mess off. The boy said "Oh no! To wash the crap of the foo bird
    off means sudden death immediately! Again the hunter ignored his
    advice, found water and got cleaned off.
    Sure enough he dropped dead then and there. The moral of this story
    is "If the foo shits, wear it."



  6. #86
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    What do you get when you cross a Jehovah Witness with an atheist?

    A person who knocks on your door for no reason.

  7. #87
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    The First Time A young virgin couple are finally wed. Each one is nervousabout the impending night, but neither are willing to admitor ask each other about it. Wondering what to do first, theyoung man calls his father. "Pop, what do I do first?" "Get naked and climb into bed," his father replies. So, the young man does as he is advised. The girl ismortified and calls her mama. "Get naked and join him," is the advice from mama, so shecomplies. After laying there for a few moments, the young man excuseshimself and calls his dad again. "What do I do?" he asks. His father replies, "Look at her naked body. Then, take thehardest part of your body and put it where she pees!" is thedad's advice. A few moments later, the girl again calls her mama. "What doI do now?" she asks. "Well, what is he doing?" mama asks. "He's in the bathroom, dunking his head in the toilet!"

  8. #88
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    The most recent survey on women showed that 10 percent of the men interviewed liked women with thin legs. Another 15 percent preferred muscular legs.
    The rest liked the something in-between.

  9. #89
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a beautiful woman passes them. She's 5'10', 120 lbs, 38-24-36, with a string bikini on and no tan lines!!! The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and in a breathless whisper says, 'It's women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a Lesbian!!'

  10. #90
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    Two whales, William and Wanda were swimming through the ocean when they came across a ship. ' I recognise that ship', snarled William, 'thats the same one that harpooned my father 2 years ago. Come on Wanda lets swim underneath and blow out our water and capsize the ship.'

    William and Wanda proceeded to do this and sure enough the ship capsized.

    William then noticed the crew swimming to safety to the shore so he said, 'I'm not having that so lets chase them and eat them up!'.

    To which Wanda replied, 'I've already done the blow-job and now you're expecting me to swallow the seamen!



  11. #91
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

    Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

  12. #92
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    Was the red sea formed during the period of cleopatra?



  13. #93
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?

    Miss her. Pity her.

  14. #94
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard asked, "What have you got there?"

    I replied, "Hummus."



  15. #95
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    Bet you never thought of this... New Treatment For Sunburn A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
    With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
    The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?
    The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.



  16. #96
    Jokeroo Immortal stevent222's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    Quote Originally Posted by konifur View Post
    Was the red sea formed during the period of cleopatra?
    OMFreakin'G! I LOVE THIS ONE.
    Konifur you are a GOD of Groaners.










  17. #97
    Jokeroo Immortal stevent222's Avatar
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    Default This one had my mom laughing for weeks she still does when i say; what i can't hear .

    A man walks into a bar with a banana in his ear he looks around and sits at the bar. Then bartender comes over and asks him what he would like. The man with the banana in his ear says he'll have a Brandy net.

    The man with with the banana in his ear pay for the drink when the bartender returns. The bartend goes to wait on other people and the man with the banana in his ear sits and drinks his drink.

    By the time the man with the banana in his ear has had three drinks he gets up and leaves, saying to the bartender see yea tomarrow and waves bye.

    The next day the man with the banana in his ear walks into the same bar to the bar and the bartender is the same. The bartender walks over to him and says will you have another Brandy net?

    The man with the banana in his ear looks up and says I'll have a brandy net.

    Bartender gives him is brandy net and the man with the banana in his ear drinks it looking around the bar.

    Bartender is waiting on others that happened to be in the bar the other day and one of them asks whats up with that guy with the banana in his ear? The bartender says he didn't know.

    After the second drink this time the man with the banana in his ear gets up and wishes the bartender a good night and waves goodbye.

    The next day the man with the banana in his ear walks into the bar with the same bartender. And the man with the banana in his ear sits at the bar and looking at the bartender as he walks over to the man with the banana in his ear says to the bartender that he'd like a brandy net when he reaches him.

    The bartender makes him his brandy net and the man with the banana in his ear pays for it and sits looking around.

    Bartender is waiting on some others in the bar and one of them says, wow I've been in here for the last three days and this man with a banana in his ear keeps coming in here too, whats up with that guy with the banana in his ear?

    By this time the bartender is wanting to know why this man with the banana in his ear has a banana in his ear.

    So when the bartender has some time he walks over to the man with the banana in his ear if he'd like another brandy net? The man with the banana in his ear is looking at some people playing pool and doesn't answer him. So the bartender asks him again and the man with the banana in his ear still does not answer him.

    By this time the bartender is getting upset and taps the man with the banana in his ear on the shoulder and saying, I am sorry but I really cannot understand why you have a banana in your ear?

    That time the man with the banana in his ear smiles at the bartender and says, I am sorry but I did not hear you. You see I have a banana in my ear.

  18. #98
    Jokeroo Immortal stevent222's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
    Unique Up On It.

    2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
    Tame Way.

    3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
    They Take The Psycho Path.

    4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
    You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

    5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
    Dam!

    6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long?
    Polaroid's

    7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
    A Stick!

    8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
    Nacho Cheese.

    9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
    Subordinate Clauses.

    10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
    Quattro Sinko.

    11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
    Spoiled Milk.

    12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
    Frostbite.

    13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
    A Nervous Wreck.

    14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
    Anyone Can Roast Beef!!!

    15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
    Right Where You Left Him.

    16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
    Because They Have Big Fingers .

    17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
    Because It Scares The Dog.

    18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
    Sanka.

    19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?!
    The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

    20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
    Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

    21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
    A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack , Dang!
    A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

    22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
    Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer!

  19. #99
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
    Because It Scares The Dog.

    When does a blind sky diver know when he is about to land?
    When his dog lead goes slack.



  20. #100
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Groaners..feel free to add.

    What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?

    They can both smell it but can't eat it.

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