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Thread: Mackem jokes

  1. #81
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brilor View Post
    What about the Mackem that thought Sunderland were a good football team?
    we have... we beat Leeds in the cup, didn`t we .

    BTW i don`t know a lot about footy, i enjoy watching ladies beach volley ball.



  2. #82
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Mackem died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body.

    So his two best friends, Jim and Harry, were sent for. Jim went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

    Jim said "Aye, heís burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."

    So the mortician rolled him over and Jim looked and said "Nah, it ainít Mackem."

    The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Harry to identify the body and Harry took a look at him and said Wahee, heís burnt real bad, roll him over."

    The mortician rolled him over and Harry looked down and said, "No, it ainít Mackem." The mortician asked "How can you tell?"
    Harry said, "Well, Mackem had two assholes."

    What?, He had two assholes?" said the mortician..
    "Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say "Here comes
    Mackem with them two assholes."

  3. #83
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    [quote=brilorbrilor;28MackemMackem died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body.

    So his two best friends, Jim and Harry, were sent for. Jim went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

    Jim said "Aye, heís burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."

    So the mortician rolled him over and Jim looked and said "Naainit ainMackemMackem."

    The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Harry to identify the body and Harry took a look at him aWaheeid Wahee, heís burnt real bad, roll him over."

    The mortician rolled him over and Harry looked down and said,aino, Mackemainít Mackem." The mortician asked "How can you tell?"
    Harry sMackemWell, Mackem had two assholes."

    What?, He had two assholes?" said the mortician..
    "Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say "Mackemomes
    Mackem with them two assholes."[/quote]

    golly i wish i had two arseholes....double barreled farts.what!



  4. #84
    Jokeroo VIP Status Anna's Avatar
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    +


  5. #85
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Mackem in in the back seat of a car (a stolen one by the way) with his girlfriend. He is kissing her all over and she is groaning like the banshee she is. She then tells him that she wants to be kissed down where it smells.......... so he drove to the council rubbish tip!

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    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    A Scotsman an Italian and a Mackem were in an Irish pub one night, when the Scotsman says "At my local you buy the 1st drink and the 2nd drink, then they give you the 3rd drink free."

    "Thatís nothing" says the Italian "At home in my country, youa buya the 1st drink they buya you the 2nd drink and you gat a freea pasta meala!"

    The Mackem looks up and says "Thatís nothing in Sunderland they buy you the 1st drink and the second drink and the 3rd then they take you down the alleyway and give you a damn good fuck!"

    "Wow" say the Scotsman and the Italian "Has this happend to you ?" "No" says the Mackem, "but thatís what my sister says"

  7. #87
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brilor View Post
    A Scotsman an Italian and a Mackem were in an Irish pub one night, when the Scotsman says "At my local you buy the 1st drink and the 2nd drink, then they give you the 3rd drink free."

    "Thatís nothing" says the Italian "At home in my country, youa buya the 1st drink they buya you the 2nd drink and you gat a freea pasta meala!"

    The Mackem looks up and says "Thatís nothing in Sunderland they buy you the 1st drink and the second drink and the 3rd then they take you down the alleyway and give you a damn good fuck!"

    "Wow" say the Scotsman and the Italian "Has this happend to you ?" "No" says the Mackem, "but thatís what my sister says"
    at least the mackems have respect for their women and don`t just leave them in the back lane when they are spent,like the scots do ...they carry them home like a six pack.



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    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Miss Mackem went to her gynaecologist for a medical.
    He asked her how long since she last had a check up!
    She replied," Well in the last few weeks I've had Poles, Latvians, Germans, Estonians but no Czechs"!

  9. #89
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    A Mackem wins the lottery and goes to claim his winnings.

    Congratulating him they tell him they will have to pay him the millions in 3 weekly instalments.

    With that Mackem replies if your gonna fuck me about I’ll have me quid back.

  10. #90
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Mackem takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses and lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want don’t you?"

    "Yeah," says Mackem. "By the looks of it the whole fukkin bed !"

  11. #91
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Mackem goes to the doctor complaining of a hearing problem.

    Doctor says "Can you describe the symptoms?"

    Mackem replies, "Homer’s fat and Marge has blue hair".

  12. #92
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Two Mackem couples agree to swap partners for the night. . .



    After 3 hours of amazing sex, Konifur says "I wonder how the girls are getting on"

  13. #93
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brilor View Post
    Two Mackem couples agree to swap partners for the night. . .



    After 3 hours of amazing sex, Konifur says "I wonder how the girls are getting on"
    it was only 10 seconds..i`m just glad i`m a giver .



  14. #94
    Jokeroo VIP Status Anna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by konifur2 View Post
    it was only 10 seconds..i`m just glad i`m a giver .
    LMBO...you know the ones who drop there carkeys in a basket and swop...
    hubby always says
    he would be that lucky(unlucky)and grab back his own key...
    Ty guys for all the add ons

  15. #95
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    What do you call a Mackem driving a Rolls Royce?


    A Chaffeur!

  16. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by brilor View Post
    What do you call a Mackem driving a Rolls Royce?


    A Chaffeur!
    show off..lol

  17. #97
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anna_hun View Post
    show off..lol
    What do you call a Mackem in a suit?

    The accused.



  18. #98
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    How do you know that you are passing a Mackems house?


    The toilet paper is hanging out to dry!

  19. #99
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brilor View Post
    How do you know that you are passing a Mackems house?


    The toilet paper is hanging out to dry!
    not before using both sides



  20. #100
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by konifur2 View Post
    not before using both sides
    That goes without saying!

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