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Thread: real silly headlines

  1. #1
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Talking real silly headlines

    Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?



    Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

    This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day.


    I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.
    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    No crap, really? Ya think?

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    Now that's taking things a bit far!

    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

    What a guy!

    ---------------------------------------------------------------

    Miners Refuse to Work after Death

    No-good-for-nothing, lazy so-and-so's!

    ------------------------------------------------------

    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendent

    See if that works any better than a fair trial!

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    War Dims Hope for Peace

    I can see where it might have that effect!

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
    Ya think?!

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

    Who would have thought!

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain;
    Police Suspect Homicide
    They may be on to something!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

    You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Man Struck By Lightning:
    Faces Battery Charge
    He probably IS the battery charge!

    ----------------------------------------------

    New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger
    Test Group
    Weren't they fat enough?!

    -----------------------------------------------

    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

    That's what he gets for eating those beans!

    -------------------------------------------------
    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

    Do they taste like chicken?
    ****************************************

    Local High SchoolDropouts Cut in Half
    Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

    **************************************** ***********

    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

    Boy, are they tall!

    **************************************** ***
    And the winner is...

    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


    Did I read that right?



  2. #2
    Jokeroo Immortal stevent222's Avatar
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    Wife runs over husband four times, we expect she was mad.

    Milwaukee Journal Sources say a non suicidal deer was hit by car at 7:36 P.M. on old Dear Road yesterday evening.

    Bomb Blast expected to be Intentional.


    Those are just a few that I remembered off hand that I've read. Funny post konifur.










  3. #3
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Nothing gets rid of headaches like Paracetamol!

    Where do I get nothing?

  4. #4
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Love many things, for therein lies the true strength
    and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much
    and what is done in love is done well ♥

  5. #5
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    - Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing

    - Air Head Fired

    - Steals Clock, Faces Time

    - Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

    - Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni

    - Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board

    - Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors

    - Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction

    - Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

    - Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

  6. #6
    Jokeroo Enthusiast hortysir's Avatar
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    Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
    He probably IS the battery charge!
    ----------------------------------------------
    OMG!!!!!
    That one got my giggle bone!!!!
    Employees think I've went mad!!!!
    :D

  7. #7
    Sir Talks-a-lot Marky_D_Sahdd's Avatar
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    My Mom's favorite from our local paper;

    "Supervisors and Councilmen Butt Heads"

    She said she'd been telling people that for years!


    [jokeroo]i5fz5.9g1p.jpg[/jokeroo]


  8. #8
    Sir Talks-a-lot Marky_D_Sahdd's Avatar
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    Not a headline, but my exxie's grandmother was from a VERY small Texas town. Once, the entire weekly newspaper was devoted to the opening of the funeral home's new building. As if it wasn't funny enough seeing ads from every other business in town congratulating the funeral home on their success, the entire last page was a full page ad listing the names of the founders and present owners. Beneath it was the following:

    "We look forward to seeing the portraits of these fine men when they are hung in the main gallery during the opening ceremonies."

    Doesn't pay to succeed, does it?


    [jokeroo]i5fz5.9g1p.jpg[/jokeroo]


  9. #9
    Sir Talks-a-lot Marky_D_Sahdd's Avatar
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    PS: The state of California, a few years ago, issued signs for every classroom in the state. One of them read: "The teacher dismisses the students, not the bell." Why would the bell need to be dismissed?


    [jokeroo]i5fz5.9g1p.jpg[/jokeroo]


  10. #10
    Jokeroo Immortal stevent222's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hortysir View Post
    OMG!!!!!
    That one got my giggle bone!!!!
    Employees think I've went mad!!!!
    :D
    I have often remove all dough of that and just start talking with the employees here.

    If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while.

    Cold wave linked to temperatures.

    Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years.

    Man is fatally slain.




  11. #11
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marky_D_Sahdd View Post
    Not a headline, but my exxie's grandmother was from a VERY small Texas town. Once, the entire weekly newspaper was devoted to the opening of the funeral home's new building. As if it wasn't funny enough seeing ads from every other business in town congratulating the funeral home on their success, the entire last page was a full page ad listing the names of the founders and present owners. Beneath it was the following:

    "We look forward to seeing the portraits of these fine men when they are hung in the main gallery during the opening ceremonies."

    Doesn't pay to succeed, does it?
    sometimes! lol

  12. #12
    Super Moderator Bamber's Avatar
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    ...and for those seeking spiritual guidance, THIS is the sound of one hand clapping:

    Usquequaque in fimus; tantum altitudinem varius.

  13. #13
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by Bamber View Post




    ...and for those seeking spiritual guidance, THIS is the sound of one hand clapping:

    ahhh now i why pole dances never get applause.



  14. #14
    Jokeroo VIP Status Anna's Avatar
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    Default

    +


  15. #15
    Senior Member LAWRENCE's Avatar
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    Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
    **************************************** *
    This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
    I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.
    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    Now that's taking things a bit far!
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    What a guy!
    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
    ------------------------------------------------------
    J uvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
    See if that works any better than a fair trial!
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    War Dims Hope for Peace
    I can see where it might have that effect!
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
    Ya think?!
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
    Who would have thought!
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    They may be on to something!
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
    He probably IS the battery charge!
    ----------------------------------------------
    New Study of Obesity Looks for LargerTest Group
    Weren't they fat enough?!
    -----------------------------------------------
    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
    That's what he gets for eating those beans!
    ---------------- ---------------------------------
    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

    Do they taste like chicken?
    ****************************************
    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

    Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
    **************************************** ********** *
    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
    Boy, are they tall!
    **************************************** ***
    And the winner is....
    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    Did I read that right?
    **************************************** ********** *



    ******************

  16. #16
    Super Moderator Bamber's Avatar
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    Default Re: real silly headlines

    [jimg]3hz6/z3/c/3/N/a/a.aaa.jpg[/jimg]
    Usquequaque in fimus; tantum altitudinem varius.

  17. #17
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: real silly headlines

    [jimg]kr4d/z3/n/z/S/d/a.aaa-.jpg[/jimg]

  18. #18
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: real silly headlines

    [jimg]kr4d/z3/n/z/S/d/a.baa-.jpg[/jimg]

  19. #19
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: real silly headlines

    [jimg]kr4d/z3/n/z/S/d/a.caa-.jpg[/jimg]

  20. #20
    Senior Member Goodgrief's Avatar
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    Default Re: real silly headlines

    Quote Originally Posted by Bamber View Post
    [jimg]3hz6/z3/c/3/N/a/a.aaa.jpg[/jimg]
    Really????

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