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Thread: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

  1. #41
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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    My mother-in-law is banned internationally from playing poker, as she keeps all the chips on her shoulder....

  2. #42
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    Default Future Irish Mother-in-Law

    This young Dublin fella comes home all excited to tell his ma he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says: "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you just try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
    The mother agrees, so the next day he brings along three beautiful and sits them down on the couch and they chat away for a while. He then says: "Right, OK Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
    She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."
    "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did ye know?"
    "I don't like her."

  3. #43
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    Default Overheard in a restaurant:

    She: This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste.
    He: Are you describing the wine or your mother?

  4. #44
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    Default Solomon Delivers Justice to Mother-in-Law

    Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. 'This young man agreed to marry my daughter,' said one.
    'No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,' said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. 'Bring me my biggest sword,' said Solomon, 'and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half.'
    'Sounds good to me,' said the first lady.
    But the other woman said, 'Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him.'
    The wise king did not hesitate a moment. 'This man must marry the first lady's daughter,' he proclaimed.
    'But she was willing to hew him in two!' exclaimed the king's court.
    'Indeed,' said wise King Solomon. 'That shows she is the true mother-in-law.'

  5. #45
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    Default Psychic Mother in law

    When Roger came home, his wife, Norma, was crying. 'Your mother insulted me,' she sobbed.
    'My mother?' spluttered Roger, 'How could she do that when she is on holiday on the other side of the world?'
    'I know.' Norma gulped, 'But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious.'
    'And?'
    'At the end of the letter it was written: Dear Norma , When you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son, Roger.'

  6. #46
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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    Louise, a young wife came home one day and found her mother standing in a bucket of water with her finger stuck in the light socket. Ian, her young husband was standing by the switch.
    'Hello, darling,' greeted the mother, 'Ian has had this marvellous idea for curing my rheumatism.'

  7. #47
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    Default Re: Future Irish Mother-in-Law

    Quote Originally Posted by Crudebug View Post
    This young Dublin fella comes home all excited to tell his ma he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says: "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you just try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
    The mother agrees, so the next day he brings along three beautiful and sits them down on the couch and they chat away for a while. He then says: "Right, OK Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
    She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."
    "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did ye know?"
    "I don't like her."
    the ones we like don't stick around! lol

  8. #48
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    Default Re: Future Irish Mother-in-Law

    Quote Originally Posted by squirt View Post
    the ones we like don't stick around! lol
    then start to like them and they will flee

  9. #49
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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    wanna try that again? lol I do like them and they do flee lol

    *the ones we like don't stick around lol

  10. #50
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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    Quote Originally Posted by squirt View Post
    wanna try that again? lol I do like them and they do flee lol
    *the ones we like don't stick around lol
    then start to piss them off.. and they'll stick around to bug u back..
    am still groggy.. lol...

  11. #51
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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    my mother-in-law stopped dusting the coffee table,,
    instead she uses it as a message board..

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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    I asked my mother-in-law if she wanted to go to the Super Bowl..
    She asked me if that was a toilet that cleans itself...

  13. #53
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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    My mother-in-law said she needed hormone replacement therapy..
    I told her she had a bunch of other things which needed to be replaced first..
    .
    .
    .
    Wonder why my wife is suddenly giving me the silent treatment...

  14. #54
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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    Even doctor's make mistakes...
    .
    .
    .
    He told my mother-in-law to undress

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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    My mother-in-law had a blood test. She told me her type was NEGATIVE..
    I told her I was not surprised...
    .
    .
    .
    I barely managed to duck under the saucer which came flying from under my wife's tea-cup...

  16. #56
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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    Quote Originally Posted by Crudebug View Post
    my mother-in-law stopped dusting the coffee table,,
    instead she uses it as a message board..
    dust if you must but bear in mind, old age will come and it's not kind
    and when you go, and go you must, you, yourself, will make more dust


  17. #57
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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    Quote Originally Posted by Crudebug View Post
    then start to piss them off.. and they'll stick around to bug u back..
    am still groggy.. lol...
    that's what I thought you meant! lol

  18. #58
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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    Quote Originally Posted by squirt View Post
    dust if you must but bear in mind, old age will come and it's not kind
    and when you go, and go you must, you, yourself, will make more dust

    would it make me sneeze?
    do u think all that sneezing might wake up the peaceful neighbors?

  19. #59
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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    Quote Originally Posted by squirt View Post
    that's what I thought you meant! lol
    women!!!!! and yet u made me spell it out.,.. grrrrrrr

  20. #60
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    Default Re: the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

    Quote Originally Posted by Crudebug View Post
    would it make me sneeze?
    do u think all that sneezing might wake up the peaceful neighbors?
    I don't know lol

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