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Thread: Men and Women

  1. #21
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Quote Originally Posted by Crudebug View Post
    then u’d be a kinky slut who analyses the rationality of being spontaneous creative..
    eating corn doesn't require that much thought lol

  2. #22
    Jokeroo VIP Status Kryten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT 'WOMEN' AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

    1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
    'BREASTED AMERICAN'

    2. She is not 'EASY' - She is
    'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE'

    3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a
    'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY'

    4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a
    'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION'

    5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes
    'VERBALLY REPETITIVE'

    6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a
    'LOW COST PROVIDER'

  3. #23
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

    1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a
    'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY'

    2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is
    'OVERLY CAUCASIAN'

    3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He
    'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS'

    4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in
    'FOLLICLE REGRESSION'

    5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
    RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

    (Loved that one!)
    6. It's not his 'CRACK' showing when he stoops or bends over - It's
    'TROUSER CLEAVAGE'

  4. #24
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Quote Originally Posted by Kryten View Post
    HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT 'WOMEN' AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

    1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
    'BREASTED AMERICAN'

    2. She is not 'EASY' - She is
    'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE'

    3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a
    'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY'

    4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a
    'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION'

    5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes
    'VERBALLY REPETITIVE'

    6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a
    'LOW COST PROVIDER'
    call me anything you like, just call me! lol

  5. #25
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Who said men don't have a sensitive side? - - - A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

    They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she can't help but notice the soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears in his bedroom!
    There are three shelves with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering an entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
    There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
    She found it strange for a young bloke to have such a large a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. All the while thinking to herself, "Oh my! Maybe this guy could be the one! Maybe he could father my children!"
    She turns to him. They kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.
    After an intense, explosive night of raw passion, the woman rolls over, strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"
    The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

  6. #26
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Adam and Eve

    A little girl asked her mother,
    "How did the human race start?"
    The mother answered,
    "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."

    Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered,
    "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

    The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
    "Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
    The mother answered,

    "Well, dear, it is very simple.

    I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

  7. #27
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Quote Originally Posted by Kryten View Post
    Who said men don't have a sensitive side? - - - A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

    They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she can't help but notice the soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears in his bedroom!
    There are three shelves with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering an entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
    There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
    She found it strange for a young bloke to have such a large a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. All the while thinking to herself, "Oh my! Maybe this guy could be the one! Maybe he could father my children!"
    She turns to him. They kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.
    After an intense, explosive night of raw passion, the woman rolls over, strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"
    The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
    game over! lol

  8. #28
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Mark meets up with a friend on the street, and the friend can tell Mark is really pissed. He asks him what the matter is. Mark replies, "The people at Victorias Secret are SO rude. There I am in their store and I'm trying to buy some panties for my lady, and I'm picking some out ... and the manager asks me to leave!! All I was trying to do was decide which ones I liked. So - I took the panties out of my mouth and took my business elsewhere!"

  9. #29
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung the wash out to dry, put a roast in the oven, then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning. "Gootness, it's hot," she mused to herself as she walked down Main street. She passed by a tavern and thought, "Vy nodt?" so she walked in and took a seat at the bar. The bartender came up and asked her what she would like to drink. "Ya know," Helga said, "it is so hot I tink I'll have myself zee cold beer."

    The bartender asked, "Anheuser Busch?"

    Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yer pecker?"

  10. #30
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Men:
    1. All men are extremely busy.
    2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
    3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
    4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
    5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck
    with others.
    6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If
    the women leaves them.
    7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes
    and still try their luck with others.

    ***************
    Women:
    1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
    2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive
    clothes.
    3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to
    wear.
    4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress
    beautifully.
    5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An
    old rag".
    6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect
    you to compliment them.
    7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't
    believe you
    ***************

  11. #31
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually
    mean...)


    10. I think of you as a brother.
    (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")

    9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
    (You are one jurassic geezer.)

    8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
    (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)

    7. My life is too complicated right now.
    (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone
    calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

    6. I've got a boyfriend
    (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).

    5. I don't date men where I work.
    (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar
    system', much less the same building.)

    4. It's not you, it's me.
    (It's not me, it's you.)

    3. I'm concentrating on my career.
    (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than
    dating you.)

    2. I'm celibate.
    (I've sworn off only men like you.)

    ....and the number 1 rejection line given by women


    1. Let's be friends.
    (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail
    about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male
    perspective thing)

  12. #32
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    [jimg]hukr/z3/l/u/l/d/a.aaa.gif[/jimg]

  13. #33
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    Default Re: Men and Women


  14. #34
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    A survey found that 58% people want to have sex more than 7 times a week.

    But the figure dropped drastically to 3% when the words "with wife" were added.

  15. #35
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Moanin' Mike is sitting in his local bar with his buddies, sharing a beer and bragging about his sex life. Moanin' says, "I have great sex with my wife. She's very vocal, she can really rattle the windows, and most of it really turns me on. I love it when she screams, 'Harder!' I love it when she screams, 'Faster!'"
    "Man, you lucky dog," says his one buddy. "But come on and tell the truth, isn't there sometimes a problem with your sex life?"
    "The only problem I have," Moanin' said dejectedly, "is when she screams, 'Deeper!'"

  16. #36
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."
    "Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked.
    "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
    "Oh, come now," I said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"
    He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"

  17. #37
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    At the nursery, the sales clerk said,
    "I'm sorry sir, we don't have any African Violets in stock. We don't
    carry them at this time of year. Perhaps a nice potted geranium?"
    "No," replied Kevin rather sadly, "It was African Violets that my wife
    told me to water while she was gone."

  18. #38
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    a clean house is a sign of a broken PC....
    [jimg]hvc7/z3/N/J/l/d/a.aaa.gif[/jimg]

  19. #39
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Quote Originally Posted by Kryten View Post
    A survey found that 58% people want to have sex more than 7 times a week.

    But the figure dropped drastically to 3% when the words "with wife" were added.
    and it dropped again to 1.5% when the words "with husband" were added lol

  20. #40
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Whiskey + beer= Thumping headache!
    ( headache is my wife's pet name )

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