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Thread: Men and Women

  1. #41
    Jokeroo VIP Status Kryten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Apparently guys who marry Fat chicks are less likely to suffer from
    Premature Ejaculation

  2. #42
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    You should never contradict your girlfriend when she's on her period.

    Just go with the flow.

  3. #43
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    After watching the infamous cafe scene in 'When Harry Met Sally', my girlfriend suggested that we should do something like that. The next time we were in a quiet restaurant she looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and asked, "Harry Met Sally.... Ready?"

    I jumped up, grabbed her, bent her over the table and started banging her up the arse. The old woman on the table next to us said, "I'll have what he's having."

  4. #44
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    I was lying in bed with the wife when I said " I'm a bit concerned about the size of your cunt" " really?" she replied " yes"

    I answered " your mum really does need to lose some weight "

  5. #45
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    told my wife that I was going to start treating her like my car earlier.

    "Ah,thats nice,your forever spending your time putting a lot of TLC into it" she smiled.

    "Not any more,its failed its M.O.T and Im trading it in for a new one" I replied.

  6. #46
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    I was speaking to the barmaid in
    my local yesterday.

    "My pregnant wife will be delivering now. She's been at it for 12 hours straight".

    "What?!" she screamed. "Your wife has been in labour for 12 straight hours, and you've been sat here all day getting pissed?!"

    "What do you take me for?" I replied. "She's not due for another 2 weeks. Why she's simply finishing her 12 hour shift working as a postwoman".

  7. #47
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Those towels that say, "His and Hers"...

    Where can I get some that say, "His and Fuckface?"

  8. #48
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Quote Originally Posted by Kryten View Post
    Whiskey + beer= Thumping headache!
    ( headache is my wife's pet name )
    get a clue! lol

  9. #49
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    [jimg]hw3i/z3/-/Y/l/d/a.aaa.jpg[/jimg]

  10. #50
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"

    Guess who had to put the batteries in.......

  11. #51
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Male Prostitute Rates For Female Customers:

    50 to talk dirty.

    100 to have sex.

    500 to listen.

  12. #52
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    I always hide my drugs inside my pants.


    That way I know my wife will never find them.

  13. #53
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    I'll never forget the day I met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party. She was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate.

    They'd gone together, dressed as the number ten.

    I knew there and then, she was the one.

  14. #54
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    My wife had a near death experience this morning.

    Silly bitch thought she could hoover whilst the football was on.

  15. #55
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    My wife complained to me, "20 years and you still can't find my G-Spot."

    I said "bollocks". 20 years and you still can't manage to get the car parked up the drive."

  16. #56
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Quote Originally Posted by Kryten View Post
    Male Prostitute Rates For Female Customers:

    50 to talk dirty.

    100 to have sex.

    500 to listen.
    no, it's: 250 to listen and 250 to leave! lol

  17. #57
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    After some great sex, she lies there stroking his prick.

    He asks "Do you want more sex?"

    "No" she replies, "I’m just admiring your cock... I really miss mine."

  18. #58
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    The wife was driving along with our dog on a leash through the drivers window when some cop shouted,"What on earth do you think you're doing?"

    "I'm not getting in the car with that bitch." replied my dog.

  19. #59
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Me and my wife went through a messy divorce and when it was over I'd lost the kids, house and everything. All I was left with was one playing card.

    It's been 6 months now and I still haven't managed to deal with it.

  20. #60
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    Default Re: Men and Women

    Its untrue that most women want to get married.


    I've asked loads and they've all said no.

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