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Thread: random Jokes

  1. #5401
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    What's the difference between a tramp and an MP?
    One sits about on a bench all day, usually falling asleep, enjoys long liquid lunches and contributes nothing to society.
    The other's a tramp.

  2. #5402
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    Here's a joke for all you mind readers out there....

  3. #5403
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    How do you pull an American girl?
    With a JCB & super-heavy-duty chains.

  4. #5404
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    I hate being a depressed atheist.
    Nothing to live for.
    Nothing to die for.

  5. #5405
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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  6. #5406
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  7. #5407
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Guy goes to the doctor and said, "I'm having trouble 'satisfying' my wife."
    Doc said, "You should try what I do."
    He says, "What's that?"
    Doc said, "Earn £100k a year."

  8. #5408
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    "How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.
    "Well, doc, 25 years ago..."
    "Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
    "Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted.
    I said, "No, everything is fine."
    "Are you sure?" she asked.
    "I'm sure," I said.
    "Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know.
    "I reckon not," I replied.

    "Excuse me," said the doctor, "What the hell does this story have to do with your broken leg?"
    "Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"

  9. #5409
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it.
    Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that's a deep hole!"
    Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. They pause and listen intently...
    They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast!
    The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom. The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We'd better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!".
    So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it. The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened.
    "Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?", one of the men asked.
    The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?" The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat.
    The farmer said, "Well boys, I don't think that was my goat. You see, my goat was really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I had him tied to this big, old cinder block."

  10. #5410
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    lol ...

  11. #5411
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    Martin Scorsese's film "The Wolf of Wall Street" broke a record by using the word "Fuck" or "Fucking" 506 times.
    That actually beats a record set by myself 2013, trying to put an Ikea wardrobe together.

  12. #5412
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