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Thread: random Jokes

  1. #5461
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right outside of the ladies dressing room for his Mom to come out.
    Waiting the little boy gets bored, and just when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt.
    "Get your hand out of There! "she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"
    The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten.
    For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs.
    When he's 17, he gets a girlfriend.
    One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action.
    After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."
    "What do you mean?" he asks. "Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says.
    "Hell no," he cries, "you've got teeth down there!"
    "Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no teeth down there."
    "Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."
    No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek."
    "No I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that ALL women have teeth down there."
    "Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her under garments and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."
    The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, with the condition of those gums I'm not surprised!"

  2. #5462
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    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
    "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison."
    And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction.
    Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
    Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
    After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
    The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again.
    The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled,
    "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!


  3. #5463
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    Default Re: random Jokes


  4. #5464
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    A married woman was having an affair in an apartment 20 floors high with another man.
    She then heard her husband coming… she told her lover to stay like a robot and not to move.
    Husband: What is this?
    Wife: This is a robot, I bought it to 'Entertain' me when you are travelling…
    Husband: Okay…Lets make love now…
    Wife: No sweetheart… yesterday I got my period, so I will go and make a cup of coffee for you…
    After she left the husband said: I am so horny, I will f*** this robot…he tried....
    The man started talking in a metallic robotic way…
    “SYSTEM ERROR…WRONG HOLE… SYSTEM ERROR… WRONG HOLE…”
    Husband: Damn robot is not working properly…I am throwing it out of the window…
    The man realized that he was on the 20th floor and said…
    “SOFTWARE UPDATED…PLEASE TRY AGAIN…”

  5. #5465
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    A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.
    He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing.
    He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.
    "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."
    "Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly...
    "My a** itches, and I can't scratch it!"


  6. #5466
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    lol ...

  7. #5467
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    A young lady walks into a supermarket and on her way round she sees the chap who'd had his wicked way with her the previous evening, after they had met in a club.
    He was stacking washing powder boxes on the shelves.
    "You lying bastard!" she shouts," last night you told me you were a stunt pilot!"
    "No," he says, "I told you I was a member of the Ariel display team."

  8. #5468
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    When is it right to kick a midget in the knackers?

    When he is standing next to your girlfriend and he says her hair smells nice!

  9. #5469
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    "Been drinking tonight sir?" The policeman asked.
    "I had one earlier, but that was all," I replied.
    "I think you've had a few more than that sir. Would you step out of the van please."
    "Why?" I asked.
    "Because the Postman Pat ride isn't really designed for adults and there's children waiting for their go!"

  10. #5470
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    A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.
    He mentioned the trip to his barber who responded...
    "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?
    It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians.
    You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
    "We're taking American Airlines," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
    "American Airlines?" exclaimed the barber.
    "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late.
    So, where are you staying in Rome?"
    "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
    "That dump? That's the worst hotel in the city.
    The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced.
    So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
    "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
    "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him.
    He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
    A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut.
    The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.
    "It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of American Airlines s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class.
    The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28-year-old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.
    And the hotel -- it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job, and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"
    "Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
    "Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
    Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand!
    I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."
    "Really?" asked the barber. "What'd he say?"
    He said, "Where'd you get the crappy haircut

  11. #5471
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    lol ...

  12. #5472
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    A proper English Gentleman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.
    So they did.
    Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
    On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price.
    So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:-

    Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment.
    I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment,
    I was under the impression that: 1) it had never been occupied; 2) that there was plenty of heat; 3) that is was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
    Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.
    Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250.00 with the following note:
    Dear Sir: First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
    As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
    Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady.

  13. #5473
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  14. #5474
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    One morning at a doctor’s surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him” OK, what happened to your back?”
    The patient replies “You know that I work for a local night club?
    This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom.
    On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open.
    I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself.I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That’s how I strained my back”
    The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said “My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?”
    He replied, “You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won’t believe it but I was hit by a fridge.”
    The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two Patients do..
    The doctor is shocked. Again asks, “What the hell happened
    to youuuuuu…..?”

    “Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor”.

  15. #5475
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
    She finally overtook him at the checkout,and she turned to himandsaid,"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son."
    He answered, "That's okay."
    "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mum, as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
    She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mum."
    The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
    Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
    "That comes to £121.85," said the clerk.
    "How come so much? I only bought 5 items!"
    The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

  16. #5476
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    lol ...

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