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Thread: random Jokes

  1. #5541
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    fuckin' right! lol

  2. #5542
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.
    Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.
    When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs.
    Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them un-chaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.
    Because I didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening.
    I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother.
    A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.
    "Sorry it took so long but the stupid b**** was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
    She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time.
    But it worked! I hauled her fat frame down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not crap in the vegetable garden again."

    The silence in the taxi was deafening....

  3. #5543
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    lol ...

  4. #5544
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    Husband asked his wife, "Why don't you tell me when you orgasm?"
    She replied, "Because I don't like to calling you at work."

  5. #5545
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
    Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
    Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
    Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
    Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
    Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
    Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off.
    Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
    Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
    Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.
    If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
    Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake 'old Charlie' at her making the woo-woo sound.
    Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your 'member' and scratch your butt.
    Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
    Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
    Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
    Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap.
    Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off.
    Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
    Admire 'your' size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.
    Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
    If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake 'ol' Charlie' at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
    Throw wet towel on bed.

    If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you.

  6. #5546
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    Why is business so hard. I'm closing my restaurant this week. I've advertised on the TV, radio, newspapersand even sent out fliers with no success.
    It's called ''the G spot''. Nice food, lovely restaurant
    and good prices.
    Everyone has heard about it but no one can find it.

  7. #5547
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    Default Re: random Jokes


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