Page 4 of 283 FirstFirst ... 234561454104 ... LastLast
Results 61 to 80 of 5651

Thread: random Jokes

  1. #61
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    738,667
    Rep Power
    16262

    Default Re: random Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by brilor View Post
    Q. What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully?
    A. Miracle whip.
    lol ...

  2. #62
    Senior Member Ms.Diablo50's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Illinois, Midwest
    Posts
    8,234
    Rep Power
    2547

    Default Re: random Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by brilor View Post
    Q. What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
    A. One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt

    Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

  3. #63
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    What am I? I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole on the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in 'n' out a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind, and I return to my original position. Cleaning is usually done after I am. What am I? Why, I am your very own...Toothbrush! What were you thinking, you pervert?

  4. #64
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Mamma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."

  5. #65
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness. After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he'd come across was, er, female juices. "But you're balder than I am," protested the customer. "True," admitted the barber, "but you've gotta admit I've got one hell of a mustache!"

  6. #66
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    Important Press Release: The manufacturers of KY Jelly have announced that their product is now fully Year 2000 compliant. In the light of this they have now renamed it as: 'Y2KY Jelly'. Said a spokesman: "The main benefit of this revision to our product, is that you can now insert four digits into your date instead of two"

  7. #67
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. A couple of weeks later the friend comes by to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't look at the cows. His friend suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull. The following week his friend returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks delighted: "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows! "Wow," says his friend, "what did the vet do to that bull?" "Just gave him some pills'" said the farmer. "What kind of pills?" asked his friend. "I don't know, but they sort of taste like peppermint."

  8. #68
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"

    The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"

    So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"

    To which the man replied, "No, its average!"

  9. #69
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    What a woman says...

    This place is a mess! C'mon!
    You and I need to clean up!
    Your stuff is lying on the floor and
    You'll have no clothes to wear if we
    don't do laundry right now!

    What a man hears...

    blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!
    YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
    blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
    blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
    blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!

  10. #70
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"

    He says, "I don't know."

    She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"

    He says, "Bigger."

    She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"

    He says, "Smaller?"

    She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."

    She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."

  11. #71
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    A very naive British sailor is in a bar in London. He meets a wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off her pants and her panties.

    He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?"

    She says, "It's me lower mouth."

    He says, "What do you mean, 'your lower mouth?'"

    She says, "Just what I said, it's me lower mouth. It's got a moustache... It's got lips..."

    He asks, "Has it got a tongue in it?"

    She says, "Not yet. . ."

  12. #72
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station.

    The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife.

    No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her.

    "I couldn't do that," he whispered. "Your husband is my best friend!"

    "Listen, sugar," she whispered back, "there ain't nothing in the whole wide world could wake hime up now."

    "I can't believe that," Charlie said. "Certainly if I get on top of you and screw you, he'll wake up won't he?

    "Sugar, he certainly won't. If you don't believe me, pluck a hair out of his asshole and see if that wakes him."

    Charlie did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife's side of the bed and fucked her. When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn't long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night. Each time Charlie screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband's asshole hairs.

    The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered: "Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don't mind you fucking my wife, but for Pete's sake, stop using my ass for a scoreboard!"

  13. #73
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    Q. What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
    A. Sticks it in Olive Oyl.

  14. #74
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    Q. How do you give a blind queer a thrill?
    A. Leave the plunger in the toilet.

  15. #75
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    Q. What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
    A. Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!

  16. #76
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    738,667
    Rep Power
    16262

    Default Re: random Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by brilor View Post
    A very naive British sailor is in a bar in London. He meets a wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off her pants and her panties.

    He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?"

    She says, "It's me lower mouth."

    He says, "What do you mean, 'your lower mouth?'"

    She says, "Just what I said, it's me lower mouth. It's got a moustache... It's got lips..."

    He asks, "Has it got a tongue in it?"

    She says, "Not yet. . ."

  17. #77
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical.

    After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following: "Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old. There is however, only one problem. You are 40 pounds overweight and bordering on obese. I would strongly suggest that you diet now to save any complications in later years."

    She looks sternly at him and says, "I demand a second opinion".

    "OK" he says, "you're fucking ugly as well!"

  18. #78
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully
    deep.

    After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the hospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend.

    The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. He then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, and low and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.

    As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck. "So" the wife says, "what do you think he'll become after he finishes school? A GP or a surgeon?"

    "Well says the man, rubbing his nose, "by the smell of his fingers, I think he's likely to be our son-in-law."

  19. #79
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

    A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

    "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.

    "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

    After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli. Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

    The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.

    As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

  20. #80
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    In between the devil and the deep blue sea!
    Posts
    178,124
    Rep Power
    10826

    Default Re: random Jokes

    A woman in her 30's was taking her mother, who was in her 50's to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor. While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups, the doctor remarked, "Don't we look pretty today", as he performed his examination. The lady was quite shocked, but said nothing.

    When her daughter picked her up, she was quite upset. The Following conversation ensued:

    Mother: Do you know what that doctor said to me? He said, "Don't we look pretty today", while he was looking between my legs! Do you think that was appropriate?

    Daughter: No! Are you sure he wasn't referring to your hairstyle or something?

    Mother: Well, it still wasn't appropriate or professional. I wonder if it could be considered sexual harassment. What do you think?

    Daughter: I don't know. We're you embarrassed?

    Mother: I was very embarrassed. I used some of your FDS this morning, and he may have smelled that, but I still don't think he should have commented!

    Daughter: I don't have any FDS.

    Mother: Why, sure you do! In the blue can that was on back of the toilet. I used some before the appointment...

    Granddaughter: That's my Barbie Golden Glitter Hair Spray!

Similar Threads

  1. Random jokes
    By mejicana21 in forum Funny Jokes
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 06-16-2010, 12:58 PM
  2. Random thoughts ...
    By MSjim in forum Funny Jokes
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 06-16-2004, 12:31 PM
  3. GUY DISSING JOKES & BLONDE JOKES
    By kaneygirl2000 in forum Funny Jokes
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 05-24-2004, 09:12 AM
  4. random jokes
    By kindra1188 in forum Funny Jokes
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-21-2004, 01:23 PM
  5. random jokes
    By Drakula in forum Funny Pictures [Adults Only]
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-27-2004, 05:14 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •