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Thread: random Jokes

  1. #81
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Miss Annabell had just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound. "You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City," says Miss Annabell. "They have men there who kiss other men on the lips."

    Miss Annabell's friends fan themselves and say, "Oh my! Oh my!"

    "They call them homosexuals," proclaims Miss Annabell.

    "Oh my! Oh my," proclaim the girls as they fan themselves.

    "They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!"

    "Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls. "What do they call them?" they ask.

    "They call them lesbians," says Miss Annabell.

    "They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City," sighs Miss Annabell.

    "Oh my! Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls as the sit on the edge of their chairs and fan themselves even faster. "What do they call them?" they ask in unison. Miss Annabell leans forward and says in a hush, "Why when I caught my breath, I called him Precious."

  2. #82
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    Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."

  3. #83
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    Young Johnny and Susie were playing doctor, on the back porch when Susie's mom popped in on them. "You're gonna get a good lickin when daddy gets home" she said Susie replied, "Johnny's been doing that all afternoon."


  4. #84
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    The mortician calls Mrs. Banley, and says, "Excuse me Mrs. Banley, but I can't seem to close the lid to your husband's coffin because he has a huge erection." To which she replies, "Why don't you cut it off and stick it up his ass? That's the only hole in town it hasn't been in."

  5. #85
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    A 16-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off." So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?" The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again: a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.

    Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield!

  6. #86
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    Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbor Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?" Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself." Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. He says "Strewth Sheila... Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real sport too." ...and drives off.

  7. #87
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    Koni was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For five quid, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."

    Koni readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."

    "That's true," said Koni.

    "Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"

    "Yes," Koni shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"

    "Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."

  8. #88
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    A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"

  9. #89
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    A guy's talking to a girl in a bar.
    He says, "What's your name?"
    She says, "Carmen."
    He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?"
    She says, "No, I named myself."
    He says, "Why Carmen?"
    She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?"
    He says, "Beerfuck."

  10. #90
    Jokeroo Enthusiast hortysir's Avatar
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    I thought maybe coz he was holding his dick with it

  11. #91
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    A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?". Looking back unimpressed at the man she replies, "Okay, but it won't do you any good." A little later, he asks, "May I buy you another drink?"

    "Okay, but it still won't do you any good." He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, "Okay, but it won't do you any good." They get to his apartment and he says, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife." She says, "Oh, that's different. Send her in."

  12. #92
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    Guy goes into a chemsit and asks for a box of condoms.

    The assistant asked if he wanted a bag.

    He said, No as she wasn't that ugly!

  13. #93
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    I went into the Shell gas station this morning and asked for five dollars worth of gas.

    The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

  14. #94
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    A little boy asked his mother:
    - Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
    - Don't even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you're lucky you dont bark.

  15. #95
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    An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old times sake. He finds a little prostitute and goes up into the room with her, draping his sailor suit across the bed.

    He's goin' at it as best he can for a guy his age and asks, "How am I doin'?"

    The whore says, "Well, sailor, you're doing about three knots."

    What's that?" he asks.

    She says, "You're 'knot' hard, you're 'knot' in, and you're 'knot' getting your money back!"

  16. #96
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  17. #97
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    Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

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    Business was good at the local whorehouse and the madam decided to partition one of larger rooms. After the work was complete the carpenter asked for payment but was put off. After several weeks he still hadn't been paid and he regularly threatened, "Pay me or I'll rip out the partition." Finally the madam offered to pay him in trade. "Take any girl in the house and have your pleasure with her."

    "I'll take you."

    "Me? I'm an old lady. Take one of those young, good looking chicks."

    "I want you."

    So he took her upstairs and removed all her clothes, laid her on her back and put one finger in her pussy and one finger in her butt. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I told you before. Pay me or I'll rip out the partition."

  19. #99
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    A wife says to her friend, "Our sex life stinks." Her friend says, "Do you ever watch your husband's face when you're having sex?" She says, "Once, and I saw rage." Her friend says, "Why would he be angry during sex?" The wife says, "Because he was looking through the window at us."

  20. #100
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    Default Re: random Jokes

    The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"

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