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Thread: Marriage Jokes

  1. #1
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    Default Marriage Jokes

    Money
    A while ago I signed myself into one of those institutions that gradually wean you off of your need for money to the point that, if you don't have any - you don't care.


    ...I got married.

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    New Arrival In The House

    The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two."

    The husband was thrilled, kissed his wife said, "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."
    "I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow my mother moves in with us," she replied.

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    This was likely posted before but.....

    Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.


    And this likely has as well......

    Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
    And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still has the same boss.

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    Married life is very frustrating.
    In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
    In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
    In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    we KNOW why they call marriage an institution! lol










    There's one thing for which you should be abundantly thankful
    Only you and God have all the facts about yourself ♥

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

    To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    Marriage changes passion................suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    Is marriage Is A Contract...
    They say marriage is a contract. No, it's not.
    Contracts come with warrantees. When something goes wrong, you can take it back to the manufacturer.
    If your husband starts acting up, you can't take him back to his mama's house and say "I don't know; he just stopped working. He's just laying around making a funny noise."

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    "You look sad, Fred, what's the trouble?" asked Bill.
    "Domestic trouble."
    "But you're always bragging that your wife is a pearl," says Bill.
    "She really is," replies Fred. It's the mother-of-pearl that's giving me trouble!"

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    The tradition at weddings

    A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

    His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

    The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
    * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
    * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
    * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
    **************************************** **********
    It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

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    Default Re: Marriage Jokes

    Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends.
    You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
    **************************************** ************************
    It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!
    **************************************** *************************
    There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married.
    A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

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