Results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: what would you do?

  1. #1
    Senior Member AutumnRain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    3,958
    Rep Power
    1999

    Default what would you do?

    Short story to those who don't know me

    I'm 42, 3 grown children, widowed Christmas 2008..

    For the past few years I've had a relationship with a guy who I thought was my everything.
    In Jan 2013 I get the horrific news that I have something growing in my brain.
    Shortly afterwards I notice my bf pulling away from me.. When I asked what was wrong I got the usual reply .. Nothing..
    I assumed it was due to my illness and tries to talk about it with him but he wouldn't talk.
    In April 1013 I was operated on and in intensive care for a while.. During this time he never left my side.
    He and my children really looked after me and got me back on my feet...
    In July 2013.. He tells me I've changed and he doesn't love me anymore... Then that same day I find out he had been having an affair for 18 months, but that it had been over since my diagnosis..
    We talk and talk and eventually we decide to stay together.
    It hasn't been easy to say the least. I am learning to live with different challenges, physically and mentally. My children are learning to cope with a mum who has changed drastically...
    And so is my.boyfriend..
    I hate that his cheating has destroyed my faith in him.
    So it has broken me to the core to find out he has been texting another woman ! He has many female friends and texting women doesn't bother me... However it does when he mentions their first kiss, the first time they touched each other... He also talks about my children in a not so positive light.
    When questioned about it he says it was before he and I met... But I am.having doubts... As I recently found out he had gone to see her one day when he claimed he was going to his parents.
    I was so much to believe him. Our life together is one filled with laughter enjoyment and we really do enjoy each others company....


    I just cannot think straight. My friends just do the usual " dump.him" .. But it really isn't that easy

  2. #2
    Senior Member TwiztedAngel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Out of my mind
    Posts
    6,511
    Rep Power
    345

    Default Re: what would you do?

    On the positive side of things, if you opt to leave him, you are not married. You might want to check around to find out about relationship counselors, and then suggest to him about seeing one. If he refuses in any way, consider it a red flag.

    Some men just want to go back to acting like a child, because the memory tells them it is fun.

    I was with a man for 7 years before he started treating me like shit just because he wanted to go back to happier times ... which meant sleeping with whomever he wanted to. He just did not remember that he was lucky to get laid once a year before he met me.

    I hope this gives you some good ideas. I am certainly not in the relationship business, so all I can do is offer a little insight.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
    Jokeroo Immortal stevent222's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Riverside, CA
    Posts
    235,318
    Rep Power
    6765

    Default Re: what would you do?

    What TA said. I personally have never cheated my my spouse so really can't say much. Although know many men that have and seems like once they have they will not stop, I don't give a ratsass what they will say to you.

  4. #4
    Senior Member LilMissPurrfect's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In my own little happy world
    Posts
    11,322
    Rep Power
    3915

    Default Re: what would you do?

    What would I do?
    I would dump him!!
    You cheat,....game over!!
    You have the guts to lie about it after I found out.......your balls are at stake!
    Simple as that!!
    I would end it as a patch on a wound....with one quick jerk......It might hurt terribly for a bit but then it starts to feel better........instead of trying to remove it slowly and drag the pain for a longer of period.
    I don't need drama in my life.

    I hope that he is not the same guy who cheated on his former girlfriend with you.

  5. #5
    Senior Member 01Aladdin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    6,973
    Rep Power
    435

    Default Re: what would you do?

    Define "cheating"

    You've said he's "texting" another woman...

    As others have already written though, if he has cheated and had sex with another woman, it's game over. Once a miserable lying cheating basstid, always one. Been there, done this, you forgive them and let them back they just do it again.


    But the more important thing, the bigger thing - you said he said he doesn't love you any more. That's a bigger deal breaker. You can't make another person love you... sighhhhhhhh. All you can do is be who you are and hope someone loves you for you.

    With everything else going on in your world, you sure don't need an unreliable peanut dragging your emotions down when you need to be strong and fight the evil in your body.

    I for one know too well what it is like to love someone who doesn't love you back. It aches, it aches alllllllllll the time, and it might never go away - and i bet it feels like it might never go away.

    I wish i had magical words to take the pain, but there are none. Focus on living and getting strong again and kicking the thing inside that wants to kill you. To heck with a useless man who can't see the solid gold he had in his hands.

  6. #6
    Jokeroo Enthusiast Romford Lad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Essex, U.K.
    Posts
    28,261
    Rep Power
    7483

    Default Re: what would you do?

    Dear lady ~ I know you have been through quite an ordeal ~ and are now starting to get your life going again ~ but with hurt and worry around you ~ is not one of the best situations. I think that TA's suggestion of seeing a 'professional' is sound advice, if he refuses to go, then you really do have to think very seriously where this relationship is going, and for how long you can live with the uncertainty.

    Only you can make the decision ~ I have never done that to my wife, although my first wife did it to me over a long period, before I found out ~ and just throw her out of the house.

    Think long and hard ~ and although it sounds impossible, think of the situation of just you and your children, without the added heartache of someone around who doesn't have your trust.

    Very easy for us here to post differing points of view ~ in the end you have to consider your happiness and that of your children.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Goodgrief's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    13,674
    Rep Power
    3952

    Default Re: what would you do?

    Time to move on with your life. You can't trust him. Out he goes. Relationships are meant to be built on mutual respect and trust. You're not getting either.

    You are too young to be old but old enough to stop being a target.

  8. #8
    Senior Member likeaneagle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    aussie
    Posts
    13,964
    Rep Power
    3060

    Default Re: what would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by 01Aladdin View Post
    Define "cheating"

    You've said he's "texting" another woman...

    As others have already written though, if he has cheated and had sex with another woman, it's game over. Once a miserable lying cheating basstid, always one. Been there, done this, you forgive them and let them back they just do it again

    But the more important thing, the bigger thing - you said he said he doesn't love you any more. That's a bigger deal breaker. You can't make another person love you... sighhhhhhhh. All you can do is be who you are and hope someone loves you for you.

    With everything else going on in your world, you sure don't need an unreliable peanut dragging your emotions down when you need to be strong and fight the evil in your body.

    I for one know too well what it is like to love someone who doesn't love you back. It aches, it aches alllllllllll the time, and it might never go away - and i bet it feels like it might never go away.

    I wish i had magical words to take the pain, but there are none. Focus on living and getting strong again and kicking the thing inside that wants to kill you. To heck with a useless man who can't see the solid gold he had in his hands.
    .i dont know how too text! too bad ,so sad! bye bye!
    Last edited by likeaneagle; 08-14-2014 at 01:45 AM.

  9. #9
    Senior Member AutumnRain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    3,958
    Rep Power
    1999

    Default Re: what would you do?

    its so easy for others to say dump him, hes out, get rid of him... but its really not that simple.. I am not cold hearted, i treat others as i would like to be treated.
    I do want a future with this man as he is far more than a cheat.. hes been a wonderful supporting figure in my childrens lives. He makes me laugh, makes me feel that my life isnt over.. hes not a bad guy.. hes just made some bad choices..
    we have decided to try therapy and so far so good...
    I cant trust him... he needs to earn that... time will tell...

  10. #10
    Senior Member 01Aladdin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    6,973
    Rep Power
    435

    Default Re: what would you do?

    Thing is... you will never, everrrrrrrrrrr be able to trust him, and without trust, what else can there be?

    Been where you are, had friends in similar situations too. Trust me, the moment he feels secure in the relationship again, he will let you down again.

  11. #11
    Senior Member LilMissPurrfect's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In my own little happy world
    Posts
    11,322
    Rep Power
    3915

    Default Re: what would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnRain View Post
    its so easy for others to say dump him, hes out, get rid of him... but its really not that simple.. I am not cold hearted, i treat others as i would like to be treated.
    I do want a future with this man as he is far more than a cheat.. hes been a wonderful supporting figure in my childrens lives. He makes me laugh, makes me feel that my life isnt over.. hes not a bad guy.. hes just made some bad choices..
    we have decided to try therapy and so far so good...
    I cant trust him... he needs to earn that... time will tell...
    Your question was "What would you do?"
    And that was my answer......what I would do!!
    If your question would have been "What should I do?
    Then my answer would have been: "That is up to you....it is your life......you should do what you think is best and whatever makes YOU happy!!!
    No one but you can answer and decide that!!

  12. #12
    Senior Member Goodgrief's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    13,674
    Rep Power
    3952

    Default Re: what would you do?

    We have yet to find out what happened, don't we?

  13. #13
    Senior Member likeaneagle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    aussie
    Posts
    13,964
    Rep Power
    3060

    Default Re: what would you do?

    shoot the bastard!

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •