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Thread: Scottish Jokes

  1. #61
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes

    My grandfather was a Scottish Jew.

    He went to Auschwitz just for the free shower.


  2. #62
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes

    What do you call a Scottish landowner?

    Hectare.


  3. #63
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes

    What does an Englishwoman say the morning after a one-night stand?
    "Adrian, Darling, you were wonderful."

    What does a Frenchwoman say the morning after a one-night stand?
    "Jacques, mon amour, tu étais fantastique."

    What does a German woman say the morning after a one-night stand?
    "Hans, mein Lieber, du warst wunderbar."

    What does a Scotswoman say the morning after a one-night stand?
    "Fuck me, Jock. Is all this furniture yours?"



  4. #64
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes

    About time you took the piss out the Jocks .



  5. #65
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by konifur View Post
    About time you took the piss out the Jocks .

    Prefer taking the piss out of Mackems!

  6. #66
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes

    *sighs* I know.



  7. #67
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes

    I'm having to fork out £24.99 for pay-per-view to watch the Highland Games all next month.


    Fucking Skye Sports.



  8. #68
    Senior Member tasman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes

    Why do they call it a kilt? That's what happened to the last guy who called it a skirt.
    Life is simple: Just follow the rules

  9. #69
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    A passenger jet bound for Spain made an emergency evacuation this morning on the runway at Glasgow Airport.

    Four people have been taken to hospital and thirteen treated at the scene for shock.

    It's thought the panic started when the pilot announced there would be no bar service on the flight.



  10. #70
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes




  11. #71
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes

    Just like the minks in Mackemland?

  12. #72
    Administrator squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by konifur View Post
    ow! lol

  13. #73
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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  14. #74
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  15. #75
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  16. #76
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  17. #77
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes

    This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada.


    After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.


    After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall.


    He asks the barman, "What the fuck is that?"


    The barman says, "It's a Moose."


    The Scottish chap says, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"



  18. #78
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  19. #79
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  20. #80
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