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Thread: Scottish Jokes

  1. #81
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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  3. #83
    Jokeroo Enthusiast konifur's Avatar
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    At a wedding in Glasgow I whispered to a guy next to me,
    "Isn't the bride a right ugly dog"
    "Do you mind. That's my daughter you're talking about"
    "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father''...
    "I'm not . . . I'm her fucking mother.



  4. #84
    Jokeroo Legend brilor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by konifur View Post
    At a wedding in Glasgow I whispered to a guy next to me,
    "Isn't the bride a right ugly dog"
    "Do you mind. That's my daughter you're talking about"
    "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father''...
    "I'm not . . . I'm her fucking mother.

  5. #85
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    The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends
    over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt
    up and reveals her lack of underwear.

    'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any
    skivvies?', Ole demanded.

    Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
    The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and
    says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and
    buy yourself some underwear.'

    Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball
    on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she,
    too, is wearing no undies.

    'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
    She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
    Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the
    sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some
    underwear!'

    Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes
    her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
    'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?'

    She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta
    be able ta affarrd any.'

    The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well,
    fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....
    tidy yourself up!..


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  7. #87
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  9. #89
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    Default Re: Scottish Jokes

    A teacher from Glasgow asked her pupils if they know any collective nouns for groups of animals.


    "Please, Miss," says Jenny, "a flock of sheep."


    "Well done, Jenny." "Please, Miss," says Tommy, "a herd of cows."


    "Well done, Tommy." "Please, Miss," says Mary, "a shoal of fish."


    "Well done, Mary." Then wee Jimmy puts his hand up...


    "Please, Miss," he says, "what about a dose of crabs?"



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