Gay Jokes

brilor

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#21
My daughter admitted that she is having lesbian sex with her best friend.

As a reward for her honesty, I bought her a video camera.


 

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#23
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

"See you next month!"


 

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#24
The definition of a dilemma.

The house keeps getting burgled.

My daughter just told me she's a lesbian.


I only have one hidden camera.


 

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#25
My girlfriend said, "Have you been cheating on me?"
I said, "Of course not .. why would you say that?"
She said, "When I went down on you, all I could taste is pussy"
I said, "You're new to lesbian sex aren't you?"


 

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#26
Everyone is complaining about the Polish taking jobs.

What about the lesbians taking our women.


 

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#28
My wife has been spending a lot of time with our new babysitter and I'm getting a bit suspicious.

I mean, we don't even have any kids.


 

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#29
Nike are now making trainers for lesbians called "Nikes For dykes".
You get 50% more tongue and you can get them off with just one finger


 

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#30
A man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but to get into Hollywood you have to change your name." "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name," replied the man. The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you have to change your name or I will not be able to represent you." "So be it!" replied the man, storming out. "I guess we will not do business together!"

Five years later the agent opened an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope was a letter and a cheque for $50,000. The agent was awe-struck. Who would send him $50,000? He read the letter...

"Dear sir, five years ago I came into your office wanting to become an actor. You told me I needed to change my name. I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed cheque is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.

Yours Sincerely, Dick van Dyke.


 

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#31
A girl goes into the doctor's for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.

"Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we fuck," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.

"Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we shag," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.

"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why?"


 

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#33
During my stretch in prison I got sick of being the stronger prisoners' "bum boy". So one time I made a plan to fart in their face when they pulled my pants down.

It was the only plan I have ever followed through with.


 

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#34
I've just had a tattoo done on my arse which says, "If you're reading this, we're in prison."


 

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#35
It's my birthday today and it's the first I'll be spending in prison, any way to keep my spirit up my girlfriend sent me a birthday card;

Happy birthday

See you in the shower

Dave

X


 

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#36
"So how long are you in for?" I asked my new cellmate.

"Just a couple of minutes and then I'm usually done," he replied, as he carried on thrusting.


 

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#37
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms?

So gays could have lightsabre fights.


 

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#38
I love going gay clubbing!

My only problem is wiping the blood off my baseball bat afterwards.


 

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#39
Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."


 

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#40
I asked a gay friend of mine what he used to clean his dishes.

He said Fairy Liquid. I thought I knew what he meant until I caught him wanking into the kitchen sink.