Groaner thread (please add)

squirt

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:likelaugh:
 

brilor

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A guy was retiring from his job as a painter.
His colleagues had a surprise party for him.
He was overcome with emulsion.
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]It's all happening tonight, the local dog food factory is closing down.
They have had to call in the retrievers ![/FONT]
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]You know why Bruce Willis keeps making the same films?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Well You know what they say about old habits[/FONT]
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]Some ladies were used to sit on a Park bench every day.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I was observing them daily as they were talking and laughing loudly.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]One day I observed that every body is silent like there was some serious issues or accident happened. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]So, I went to a lady and asked :
"Why every body is silent today..?"
The lady replied : "All Are Present Today."
It took me a whole minute to understand this..
[/FONT]
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey are to star in a new film, a murder mystery set at a music festival. It's a Whodunnit.[/FONT]
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]A man goes to the doctor with a pain in his leg.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The doctor says, "Can you show me the leg, please"[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The man raises his leg, and suddenly the leg speaks and says to the doctor, "Lend us a fiver?"[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The doctor looks puzzled, and examines the leg more closely.
Louder this time, the leg says to the doctor, "Oi, lend us a fiver, mate!"
The doctor's face clears and he says, "I think your leg's broke"
[/FONT]
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]A guy had a piano that needed tuned, so he checked the yellow pages and found Opperknockity's piano service. Mr. Opperknockity came over, adjusted the piano, and did some other minor repairs to it. The guy liked the job Opperknockity did, so a year or so later when the piano needed tuned, he called him to service it. Mr. Opperknockity said "I'm sorry, but Opperknockity only tunes once!"





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brilor

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[FONT=&quot]Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish towns?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Stirling Moss.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Lewis Hamilton.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Eddie Irvine.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Ayr Town centre.[/FONT]
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]Wouldn't it be funny if Donald Trump gave a press interview and someone pulled a gun out just to hear his bodyguard shout, "Donald Duck."[/FONT]