Groaner thread (please add)

brilor

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I just got asked the time by an Argos delivery driver.

So I told the bastard it was between 8am and 1pm!
 

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There were two factories in New York City. One of them made maternity frocks for expectant mothers, so they were called the Mothers Frockers." The factory across the street made corks for wine bottles. They had to soak the corks before they could put them into the bottles, so they were called the "Cork Soakers". One day a Cork Soaker didn't soak a cork long enough and it flew out of one of the bottles and hit one of the Mother Frockers in the eye. That made all the Mother Frockers mad at the Cork Soakers, so they went outside and had the biggest Mother-Frocking Cork-Soaking fight you ever saw
 

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Cop walking down the road along with woman sergeant cop, he was Bob and she was Tina, Bob gets hit wi a car lying dying, Tina crying her eyes out, Bob says, 'don't cry for me sergeant Tina.'
 

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Marjorie and Christina own a fish and chip shop. Their nephew walks in and says “I’d like a fish supper please”. They ask him, “breaded or battered?” to which he replies “Breaded. And I want it oven baked. Don’t fry for me Marj and Tina.”
 

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The Blackwall Tunnels have been closed and why the speed limit has been reduced:
The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the Blackwall tunnel approach recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorrys, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry"