Groaner thread (please add)

brilor

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brilor

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OLD BUT GOLD...........A bloke went on Stars in their eyes. Mathew Kelly said, "welcome to the show Simon. I hear you are very lucky to be with us tonight. Please tell the audience what happened" Well Matthew, I was in a terrible accident with my uncle and sadly he was killed. I lost my right arm and my right leg but they found that my uncles leg and arm were completely compatible with mine so they grafted them on to my body and here I am Mathew. Perfectly well. Mathew Kelly said, That's absolutely wonderful news isn't it ladies and gentlemen. So tell us Simon, who are you going to be tonight and he replied, Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Simon and half uncle.
 

brilor

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Do you remember the famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Pee-Ka-Boo) Well, Picabo is not just an athlete. She is now a nurse currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones any longer. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, "Picabo, I.C.U."
 

stevent222

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A guy wakes up in the morning.


He has a massive hangover and can't remember anything he did last night.

He picks up his dressing gown from the floor and puts it on.

He notices there's something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra.

He thinks to himself, "Uh oh. What happened last night?"

He walks towards the bathroom and finds a panty in the other pocket of his gown.

Again he thinks, "What happened last night. What have I done?

It must have been a wild party," making his best attempt to conclude and accept the evidence.

He opens the bathroom door, walks in and has a look in the mirror.

He notices a little string hanging out of his mouth and his only thought

is, "If there's a God, please let this be a tea bag."