Laws of Life

Manzy

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#1
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.


2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.


5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.


6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).


7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


11. Law of the Theater/Football Stadium, my row - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.


12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.


15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.


16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.


17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.


18. Bil's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
 

Manzy

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#2
1. Never ask a woman if she wants to have sex by asking her if she wants to have sex.

2. It is more important to have good health insurance than good health.

3. Don't bluff more than once in a poker game with friends.

4. When one of the big bosses at work unexpectedly says something really cheery and friendly to you, he means absolutely nothing by it. Not even if he's your father.

5. Wear as much black as you can. It makes you look slimmer and cooler. But avoid black jeans.

6. When someone in your family is going through a divorce, always side with the blood relative.

7. Pointedly praising something unusual a person owns or has done will make you appear far smarter in his eyes than a 10-minute discourse on world events.

8. Yes, speak softly and carry a big stick. But don't mumble. And don't swing the stick.

9. The man who can't dance, can't converse, and can't provide psychological support to a woman is only half a man; the other half can't cook, can't clean, and badly wants a drink.

10. Do not get a visible tattoo larger than your penis.
 

squirt

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#3
if you have good health, you don't need health insurance? lol :thinking:

:bravo: :blow:
 

Manzy

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#4
[QUOTE="squirt, post: 4401634]if you have good health, you don't need health insurance? lol :thinking:

:bravo: :blow:[/QUOTE]

Isn't that the truth lol
 

Goodgrief

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#5
​If you are considering retirement, stay home for a week and watch day-time television before you make your decision.
 

Manzy

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#7
[QUOTE="Goodgrief, post: 4404084]​If you are considering retirement, stay home for a week and watch day-time television before you make your decision.[/QUOTE]

Isn't that the truth, I just recently found this out lol

[QUOTE="stevent222, post: 4404161]If you don't own a vehicle why do you have to have insurance to get a license? [/QUOTE]

Why would you get a license without owning a vehicle? lol
 

Manzy

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#8
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.


2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.


3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.


4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.


5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.


7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.


8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.


9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end,
someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.


10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.


11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by
those who got there first.


12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and
he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.


13. A torch: A case for holding dead batteries.


14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.


15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of
twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
 

Goodgrief

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#9
As soon as your hands are wet, the phone will ring, there will be someone at the door or your nose will start itching.

It's winter, cold and miserable. You've got your boots on, your coat, your gloves... But wait! You suddenly have to pee!


 

stevent222

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#10
That usually happens to me when getting ready for bed. Have done all the things I should of and cat inside, she's feed, doors are closed and locked, have pills on the bedside table, cigs, ashtray, Ca-Razz to do my feet cream, water bottle did pee, but once I am all in bed covers up pillow on my lap to start typing on jokeroo and adding photos... oh wait have to pee. And for me that is a big deal to what I have to do with this dam wheelchair I have to use. (not to mention with ever move I make with my legs it hurts).
 

Manzy

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#11
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6 ) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know ! all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
 

stevent222

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#12
Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

OMGosh! then why is my belly still so big cause I laugh all the time only because I am a member of Jokeroo's Roo Message Board. Ha!... Ha... Ha...! (see laughing now).


When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

OMGosh! yes do that all the time cause when down there it's to dang hard to get up so might as well do something.