Little Johnny

brilor

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#1
Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
 

brilor

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#3
[QUOTE="kiki5711, post: 1823527]ha ha

good comeback from the kid!!!:sigh: :bigsmile:[/quote]


Brilliant come back!:bigsmile:
 

squirt

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#4
I wuz just thinkin' we needed a Little Johnny thread, shall we run with this one sexy brilor? lol :notify:

 

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#5
One day the teacher asked the children in class to give examples of what was not good to put in one's mouth. Little Johnny says "It is not good to put a lit light bulb in one's mouth." The teacher says "That is correct, but why?" Little Johnny answers "I don't know, but my Mom always tells my dad "turn off the light before you put it in my mouth!"
 

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#7
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300," he asked.
"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth!" Johnny replied.
"Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"
 

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#8
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "Beautiful" in the same sentences twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought My mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just freakin beautiful!'
 

Iceman

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#9
One day little Johnny went into the bathroom and saw his daddy putting on a rubber. He asked, dad what are you doing? His dad replied, son I am going to catch some mice. Little Johnny said, what are you gonna do fuck em? :D
 

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#10
Little Johnny greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."

The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear?" she asked.

Little Johnny replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the fucking walls if you came to visit us again."
 

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#11
Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy when he noticed the brand new shiney watch Jimmy was wearing. "Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked. "Nope," Jimmy replied.

"Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked.

"Nope."

"You didn't steal it did you?"

"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mum and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were on the job. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."

Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents room until he heard the unmistakeable noises of lovemaking. Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned andasked him angrily, "What do you want now?"

"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

"Well stand in the corner and keep quiet then," said his father returning to the job at hand.
 

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#12
Little Johnny's teacher is giving an English lesson, she asks the children to name a verb and then use it in a sentence.

Johnnie is the first to raise his hand, waving excitedly. Knowing that Johnny has a rather dirty mind, the teacher is hesitant to call on him, but decides to give him a chance.

"Alright, Johnny, what is your word?" she asks.

"Urinate," is Johnny's reply.

The teacher is regretting her decision now, but since 'urinate' is indeed a verb she forges ahead. "Thank you, Johnny. Now can you use your verb in a sentence for me?"

Johnny stands up and says "Urinate, and you'd be a 9 if you had bigger boobs!"
 

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#13
Little Johnny and Jane are playing in a sandbox. Little Johnny has to go to take a pee but he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public.

At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say Jane to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to Jane and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose." And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.

When he comes back Jane looks up at him and asks, "Did you powder your nose?"

"Yes" said Little Johnny stepping back into the sandbox.

"Well then" says Jane, "You'd better close your compact because your lipstick is hanging out!"
 

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#14
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am,but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

* * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

* * * * * * * * * *

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"

* * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

* * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy." Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
 

kiki5711

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#15
Little Johnny full of fun and laughter at it once again!!!

Good ones!!!

:tounge2: :tounge2: :colgate: :colgate:
 

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#16
Little Johnny and Suzy have nothing to do one day while in the house playing. All of a sudden, Johnny gets this great idea. "Let's take turns sliding down the banister rail!" he suggests.

"Oh no," answers Suzy, "That is way too scary."

"No, it is not," says Johnny, "it will be fun!" He proceeds to the top of the stairs. The banister rail is long and very smooth with a beautiful big marble ball at its base. Johnny climbs on and down he goes, squealing with excitement as he goes. He jumps off just before he gets to the marble ball at the bottom. "That was great," he says. "Come on, you try now."

Suzy still is not quite sure that this is such a good idea. "No," she says, "It looks too scary."

"No, it is not," said Johnny, and away he goes again to the top of the stairs. He climbs on and down he goes again, having just as much fun as he did the first time. He jumps off just before the marble ball at the bottom. "You gotta try this, it is the best!" urges Johnny. Well, little Suzy is not one to stay scared for very long and this really does look like fun, so she agrees. To the top of the stairs she goes. She straddles the banister rail, and slowly lets go with her hands.

Down she goes, a lot faster than she expected. WHAM! Right into the marble ball at the bottom.

Little Suzy starts to cry and almost falls off the banister rail. When Johnny sees her so upset, crying ever harder and holding her groin where she collided with the marble ball, he gets a little scared that maybe she has really hurt herself.

"Maybe you had better let me see," suggests Little Johnny. So Suzy lifts her little dress and pulls down her panties. Little Johnny's face goes pale white. "OH, NO!" he shouts. "This is horrible! You knocked it right off!"
 

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#17
One day, Johnny was sitting in class when the teacher came in. She announced that they were going to play a little game where she would say a letter, and she would pick one person in the class to say an animal that started with that letter.

So first the teacher said the letter "C", and there were several kids with their hands raised, but Johnny was jumping up and down, so the teacher thinking, "Oh no, not Johnny" picked on Susie. Susie said, "Cow."

The teacher said very good. Next the teacher said the letter "S". There was Johnny jumping up and down trying to get the teacher to call on him, but instead she called on Billy. He said "Snake". Good she said.

Next she called out the letter "R", and once again there was Johnny jumping up and down, in the aisle to get the teacher's attention. So the teacher thinks to herself, "I can't think of anything bad that starts with an 'R'", so she calls on Johnny.

"A Rat..." Johnny says, spreading his hands about 12" apart, "with a big fucking dick this long."
 

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#18
Little Johnny lived on a farm and watched the calves feeding from their mothers each morning with great interest. He was only able to see his girlfriend once every 2 weeks, so one day he got a good idea.

Early one morning he took off to the barn, slipped his manhood out, and put it in front of one of the calves. The calf thought it was its mother, and took to sucking right away. As he was enjoying himself he noticed some hay fall down from the loft. Glancing up he saw his father looking down at him with a real mean look on his face.

Thinking very quickly, Little Johnny looked at his father and screamed, "Are you gonna help me or are you just gonna stand there and let him eat me alive!?"
 

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#19
One day little Johnny's teacher was teaching the class about agriculture. To help with this, she was showing pictures of farm equipment. She puts up the first picture, "What is this a picture of class?" she asks.

Little Suzy puts up her hand and Johnny sticks up his hand. Of course, the teacher just knows that Johnny has something dirty in mind and picks Suzy. "What is this Suzy?"

"Its a rake."

"Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?" she asks and points at the next picture. Johnny's hand shoots up and, little Anne politely puts up her hand, and once again the teacher ignores little Johnny.

"That's a pitchfork" says little Suzy.

"Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?" The teacher asks once more. Dead silence, only one student has their hand up, and of course its little Johnny. Seeming as though no one else was volunteering, the teacher asked Johnny. "OK Johnny, what is this?"

All of a sudden Johnny realizes he doesn't know the answer. "UH, UH, its a shovel, yeah, it's a shovel."

"No Johnny, this isn't a shovel, this is a hoe."

"What?!?! My sister's a hoe and she doesn't look nutin' like that!!"
 
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#20
LMAO, these are all hilarious....thought I'd add one!!


During one of her daily classes a teacher trying
to teach good manners,
asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it?"
Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go
to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to
meet after dinner." The teacher fainted.....