Little Johnny

KingHomie

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One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."

Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."; Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."

Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
 

KingHomie

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A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
 

KingHomie

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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted.
 

KingHomie

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So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it.

One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue."

"Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money."

She follows him out. When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims:
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"That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
 

brilor

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One day while Johnny’s dad was just getting out of the shower Johnny looked down and said, “Dad what’s that hanging between your legs?”
“Oh Johnny that’s my nerve and your’s will be this big one of these days”, replies Johnny’s dad.
Anyway the next day while in school Johnny really had to pee so he raised his hand and said, “Miss I really need to go to the bathroom.”
“No, not yet there’s someone gone”, says his teacher.
Not able to hold it in Johnny walks to the garbage can and starts to pee.
Surprised to see her student peeing in a garbage can in front of the whole class the teacher says, “My Johnny you have some nerve!”
Johnny says,”That’s nothing you should see my fathers.”
 

konifur

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hillary clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in new york to talk about the world.
after her talk she offers question time.
one little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.
"kenneth," he says.
"and what is your question, kenneth ?" she asks.
"i have three questions," he says.
"first -- whatever happened in benghazi ?
"second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts ?
"and, third -- whatever happened to the missing six billion dollars while you were secretary of state ?"
just then the bell rings for recess.
Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume hillary says,
"okay, where were we ? Oh, that's right, question time.
Who has a question ?"
a different boy -- little johnny -- puts his hand up.
Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.
"johnny," he says.
"and what is your question, johnny ?" she asks.
"i have five questions," he says.
"first -- whatever happened in benghazi ?
"second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts ?
"third -- whatever happened to the missing six billion dollars while you were secretary of state ?
"fourth -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early ?
"and, fifth -- where's kenneth ?"
 

muchtrouble10

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[QUOTE="konifur, post: 4915365]hillary clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in new york to talk about the world.
after her talk she offers question time.
one little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.
"kenneth," he says.
"and what is your question, kenneth ?" she asks.
"i have three questions," he says.
"first -- whatever happened in benghazi ?
"second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts ?
"and, third -- whatever happened to the missing six billion dollars while you were secretary of state ?"
just then the bell rings for recess.
Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume hillary says,
"okay, where were we ? Oh, that's right, question time.
Who has a question ?"
a different boy -- little johnny -- puts his hand up.
Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.
"johnny," he says.
"and what is your question, johnny ?" she asks.
"i have five questions," he says.
"first -- whatever happened in benghazi ?
"second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts ?
"third -- whatever happened to the missing six billion dollars while you were secretary of state ?
"fourth -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early ?
"and, fifth -- where's kenneth ?"
[/QUOTE]


Unfortunately, I'm not sure that is a joke!
 

brilor

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Little Johnny was in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon, and the teacher decided to have a game for the kids to get them thinking.
"Okay class. Now I'm going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off." said the teacher.
"Who is credited with writing the phrase, To be or not to be, that is the question?" asked the teacher.
Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front of the class called out, "Shakespeare".
"Well done!" said the teacher, "You can have Monday off."
"No thank you Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying hard." said Little Pham Lam Nguyen.
"Well okay," said the teacher. The next quote is, "I had a dream!"
Little Fri Sum Kat also at the front yelled out "I bereiva it was Martin Ruther King!"
"Well done!" said the teacher. 'You can have Monday off"
"No thanka you miss I am of Chinese oligin and we also do not take time offa school. Education is evelything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too." said little Fri Sum Kat.
"Okay," said the teacher. Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom,
"Fucking Immigrants!"
"Who said that?" yelled the teacher in an angry tone.
"Donald Trump!" yelled little Johnny. "See ya Tuesday!!.
 

brilor

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Teacher asks the class to name something that ends with "tor" and eats things.
So the first lil boy says "aligator."
The teacher replies, "very good peter, that's a big word."
Then tommy says,"preditor," teacher says,"yes, that's another big word, well done,"
Little Johnny says"vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair she says,"that's a big word Little Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything,"
Little Johnny replies,"well my sister has one and she says it eats frickin' batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
 

brilor

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Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom.
On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing.
He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you doing?"
The dad answered, "Playing Cards".
Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?"
The dad answered, "Your mom".
Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?"
The sister answered, "Playing Cards."
Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?"
She answered, "My boyfriend."
A little later, the Dad got up and went to the bathroom (naturally).
As he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his son, "What are you doing?"
Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards."
The Dad asked, "Really? Whose your partner?"
Little Johnny answered,... "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!..:)
 

brilor

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The teacher asks Little Johnny,
"Why is your cat at school today?"
LJ says, "because I heard dad say to mum
that he was gonna eat that pussy when I
go to school, so I am saving him."
 

brilor

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Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?" The priest says, "Because I'm a father." Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards." The priest says "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children." Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
 

brilor

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A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a b*tch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a b*tch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mum."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked "Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b*tch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.
 

brilor

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A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo.
But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher.
"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.
Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"
"It'll teach those Indians not to f*** with the Lone Ranger."
 

brilor

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brilor

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A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, David?"
"Well, ma'am, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,
"What's so funny, Billy?"
"Well, ma'am, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.
"Heck, from what I just saw, my school days are over."
 

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brilor

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Teacher, "I have a green ball in one hand and a green ball ini the other what do I have?"

Little Johnny, "Kermit begging for mercy."
 

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My teacher said, "Johnny if you have one apple, and when you go to church and the priest give you one gives you one... What have you got?"

"One apple and a sore arse Sir."
 

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Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. 'If you had ten pounds,' said the teacher, 'and I asked you for a loan of eight ,how much would you have left?' 'Ten,' said Little Johnny firmly. 'Ten?' the teacher said 'How do you make it ten?' 'Well,' replied Little Johnny 'You may ask for a loan of eight pounds, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!'