Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!
When Little Johnny's mother found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But Little Johnny overheard some of his parents' private conversations. One day, when Johnny and his mother were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. "Yes!" Johnny answered, "and I know what we're gonna name it, too. If it's a girl, we're going to call her 'Christina', and if it's another boy we're going to call it 'Quits'!
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: “Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom. Michael?” Michael: “Just a minute, I have to go pee.” Teacher: “That would be rude and impolite!!! Teacher: “What about you Peter? How would you say it?” Peter: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” Teacher: “That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?” Johnny: “I would say: ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you’ll get to meet after supper. ” The teacher fainted!
One day a teacher was asking her class to use absolutely in a sentence. So Janet raised her hand and said the sky is absolutely blue. The teacher said no, it is not, sometimes is black or has different colors. Another little boy raised his hand and said "the leaves on the trees are absolutely green" The teacher said no, they could be different colors at different times of the year. Little Johnny raised his hand and asked if there were lumps in farts. The teachers said no, I don't believe so. And Little Johnny said, " well, then I absolutely just shit my pants!!!!"
One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage. She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?" "Milk!" answered Little Johnny. "No, I`m sorry. That`s the wrong answer.
Roses drink water," explained the teacher. "Wow!", Johnny exclaimed, "I didn't know the stem was that long!"
Little Johnny was curious about what a strip club was like so one day he decided to sneak into one. Once he was in, he watched as the strippers danced. He watched until they started taking off their clothing.
That's when he bolted out the door and started running down the street and into a man. The man asked Little Johnny, "What's wrong young man? You look like you just saw a ghost!" Little Johnny replied, "My mom and dad told me that if I ever watched anybody undress, I'd turn to stone... and I think its happening I felt something getting hard and that's why I ran!"
Little Johnny was sitting in class when the teacher asked him,
"Can you tell me the name of t here Kings who have brought
happiness an joy into peoples lives."
To which LJ replied, Smoking, Drinking & Fucking."
A young boy (LJ) says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you." "What happened?" The father asks. "Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 * 7?' so I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' " "Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.'' The next day, the boy comes home from school "Dad, have you gone by the school?" He asks.
"Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also."
"Why?" asks the father.
The boy explains, "Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked 'What, am I suppose to stand on.... my dick!?'"
"Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come."
The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?"
"No, not yet."
"Don't bother, I got expelled."
Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?"
"Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher."
" What the fuck was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father.
"That's what I fucking said" replied the boy!!..