Little Johnny

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I had a problem yesterday, so I called Little Johnny, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Johnny clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Little Johnny grinned ...'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:.............................................ID10T
"
I used to like Little Johnny, the little fart."

 

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Little Johnny comes home late from School one day and his
Dad asks,
"You're late, where have you been..?"

"With Jessica."
"Doing what..?"
"Revising."
Little Johnny then picks up a snack from off the Kitchen Table and says,
"Wow, these Fishcakes smell nice."

His Dad says, "Go wash your hands Son, cos they're frickin'
Doughnuts..!"

 

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During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students:
“Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom. Michael?”
Michael: “Just a minute, I have to go pee.”
Teacher: “That would be rude and impolite!!!
Teacher: “What about you Peter? How would you say it?”
Peter: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”
Teacher: “That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?”
Johnny: “I would say: ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you’ll get to meet after supper. ”

The teacher fainted
 

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Little Johnny was curious about what a strip club was like so one day he decided to sneak into one.
Once he was in, he watched as the strippers danced.
He watched until they started taking of their clothing.
That's when he bolted out the door and started running down the street and into a man.
The man asked Little Johnny, "What's wrong young man? You look like you just saw a ghost!"

Little Johnny replied, "My mom and dad told me that if I ever watched anybody undress, I'd turn to stone... and I think its happening, I feel I'm starting like becoming a stone!"
 

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One day Little Johnny asked his father"
“Dad, what is between moms legs?”
The father replied, “The door to heaven!”
“Then what is between yours?” Little Johnny again asked.
The father said, “The key to the door!”

Then Johnny said, “I think you should change the lock because our neighbor has the spare key.”
 

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Little Johnny's teacher was teaching the kids about starvation.
Being a good teacher she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board.
Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle.
The teacher said, "that's very good Sue. What is it?"
Sue said, "that's a plate with only three carrot sticks to eat, I think that ...represents starvation."
Next went Dan, he drew a round circle with 3 dots in the middle.
The teacher said, "that's good Dan. What is it?"
Dan said, "that's a plate with only 3 peas to eat. I think that represents starvation."
Johnny went next. He drew a picture of a round circle with little squiggely lines all over in the circle.
The teacher said, "that's good Johnny. What is it?"

Johnny said, "That's an a--hole with cob webs........ If that isn't starvation, I don't know what is."