Mackem jokes

squirt

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:likelaugh:
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]My 7 year old son got sent home from school yesterday for chewing gum in class.
I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking![/FONT]
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]Q: Where do a Mackem family go on vacation?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]A: To a different pub[/FONT]
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]I bumped into my mate in the pub last night who was looking a bit glum, so I asked him what was up.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"Well, I can't afford anything anymore so I've had to cancel my golf and gym memberships, my Satellite TV package and have to cut down on fags to 20 a week" he sighed.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"Because of the recession?" I asked.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"No" he replied. "I've been forced off benefits and been made to get a f****** job.
[/FONT]
 

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[FONT=&quot]I bought a Mackem advent calendar in readiness for Christmas.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It comes with a crowbar to open the windows.[/FONT]
 

brilor

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Like most people, I like to do something a little different at the weekend. On Saturdays I become Jewish, because that's their day of rest. On Sundays I become Christian, because that's their day of rest. Then for the remainder of the week, I go back to being a Mackem.
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]This year I'm going to a Halloween party in Mackemland dressed as a job application form.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]That should scare the shit out of everyone.[/FONT]
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]It's stage four of the Tour of Britain in Mackemland today. Stage five has already been cancelled as there won't be any fucking bikes left![/FONT]
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]Took me ages to find the Halloween section in Lidl in Mackemland[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Every time I thought I'd found the display it turned out to be customers.[/FONT]
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]Mackem Bloke Dials 999[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Police Whats your emergency?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Bloke There are two women having a fight outside the pub[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Police What are they fighting about?
Bloke They are fighting over me.
Police Sorry sir we dont class that as an emergency please call 101 and make a report
Bloke It is an emergency...The Fat One is Winning
[/FONT]