I went to a Mackem wedding and I whispered to a bloke next to me "Isn't the bride a right ugly bugger" "Do you mind? That's my daughter you're talking about" "I'm really sorry, I didn't know you were her father" "I'm not . . . . I'm her mother you cheeky bastard"!
In London, they've queued outside Harrods since 10pm for the start of the boxing day sales. In Birmingham, Selfridges have reported that shoppers have been queuing up to 12 hours before opening time. In Mackemland, queues have reached up to a mile long for Poundland!
I WAS DELIGHTED when the debt company I owe money to said they were going to send some bay leaves round to my house. They're absolutely my favourite herb, so I borrowed a few quid and knocked up a chicken biryani, ready to eat with them. Imagine my shock therefore when two fat skinhead thugs in suits turned up on my doorstep and walked off with my cooker.
Koni & Bamber are on holiday and are running out of money when they see a sign that reads "Spend 10 minutes in a room with a million flies and earn £200". So Bamber goes in first and spends 1 minute in the room before running out yelling "Fuck that, I can't breathe, them fuckin flies are in my mouth!" ..."You'll never do it Koni"...Koni says"No sweat, Bamber, get me in there"..So Koni goes in and spends the full 10 minutes in the room then comes out...Bamber says"Fuckin hell Koni, How the fuck did you do that?"...Koni says "Easy Bamber, I done a shit in one corner and sat in the other!"
A Mackem came back from the pub and said "That milkman of ours was boasting down the pub that he's shagged every women in our street except one!" His wife said "Well that must be that "stuck-up" bitch at number 39"