Marriage Jokes

mytime

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#1
Money​
A while ago I signed myself into one of those institutions that gradually wean you off of your need for money to the point that, if you don't have any - you don't care.


...I got married.
 

mytime

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#2
New Arrival In The House​

The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two."

The husband was thrilled, kissed his wife said, "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."
"I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow my mother moves in with us," she replied.
 

mytime

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#3
Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
 

mytime

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#4
This was likely posted before but.....

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.


And this likely has as well......

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
 

mytime

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#5
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
 

mytime

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#6
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still has the same boss.
 

mytime

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#7
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
 

mytime

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#8
When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why
 

mytime

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#11
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
 

mytime

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#12
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
 

mytime

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#14
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life
 

mytime

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#16
Is marriage Is A Contract...
They say marriage is a contract. No, it's not.
Contracts come with warrantees. When something goes wrong, you can take it back to the manufacturer.
If your husband starts acting up, you can't take him back to his mama's house and say "I don't know; he just stopped working. He's just laying around making a funny noise."
 

mytime

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#17
"You look sad, Fred, what's the trouble?" asked Bill.
"Domestic trouble."
"But you're always bragging that your wife is a pearl," says Bill.
"She really is," replies Fred. It's the mother-of-pearl that's giving me trouble!"
 

Boys Night Out

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#18
The tradition at weddings

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"
 

Boys Night Out

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#19
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
**************************************************
It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
 

Boys Night Out

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#20
Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
****************************************************************
It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!
*****************************************************************
There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married.
A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.