Memo To Family Dogs!

mountainlion20032003

Jokeroo VIP Status
Joined
Dec 31, 2004
Messages
77,694
Likes
809
#1
Dear Dogs,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note: Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food
does not automatically stake a claim for it becoming your food and
dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the other end is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help either because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I'm very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I'm also aware that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximise space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If,
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for many
years - canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture (that's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Dogs are better than kids... they eat less, don't ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends (unless the cat that
also lives here has a cat-nip addiction, but that won't kill him/her).
They don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest
fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars
for university - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children. :laugh:


 
Joined
Mar 7, 2005
Messages
3,076
Likes
178
#3
mountainlion20032003 said:
Dear Dogs,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note: Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food
does not automatically stake a claim for it becoming your food and
dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the other end is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help either because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I'm very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I'm also aware that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximise space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If,
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for many
years - canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture (that's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Dogs are better than kids... they eat less, don't ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends (unless the cat that
also lives here has a cat-nip addiction, but that won't kill him/her).
They don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest
fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars
for university - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children. :laugh:




LMAO.... Too funny. Also very true.
Great Post Sweetie. Hugs.
 

Zmama

A Premium Jokaroo'er
Joined
Jun 2, 2004
Messages
32,809
Likes
1,191
#6
and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.
LMAO!! great post!
 
Joined
Nov 13, 2004
Messages
4,186
Likes
132
#8
mountainlion20032003 said:
Dear Dogs,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note: Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food
does not automatically stake a claim for it becoming your food and
dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the other end is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help either because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I'm very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I'm also aware that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximise space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If,
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for many
years - canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture (that's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Dogs are better than kids... they eat less, don't ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends (unless the cat that
also lives here has a cat-nip addiction, but that won't kill him/her).
They don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest
fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars
for university - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children. :laugh:


lmao! awwww i just thought this was the cutest thing!!! great thread doug!
 

runaway_04654

Senior Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2004
Messages
6,915
Likes
158
#10
mountainlion20032003 said:
Dear Dogs,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note: Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food
does not automatically stake a claim for it becoming your food and
dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the other end is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help either because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I'm very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I'm also aware that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximise space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If,
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for many
years - canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture (that's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Dogs are better than kids... they eat less, don't ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends (unless the cat that
also lives here has a cat-nip addiction, but that won't kill him/her).
They don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest
fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars
for university - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children. :laugh:


lol good one doug:colgate: :colgate: :D :D
 

dads540

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2004
Messages
5,507
Likes
291
#12
mountainlion20032003 said:
Dear Dogs,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note: Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food
does not automatically stake a claim for it becoming your food and
dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the other end is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help either because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I'm very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I'm also aware that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximise space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If,
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for many
years - canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture (that's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Dogs are better than kids... they eat less, don't ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends (unless the cat that
also lives here has a cat-nip addiction, but that won't kill him/her).
They don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest
fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars
for university - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children. :laugh:


lmao! thanks forthe laugh,i needed it