My Life story with pic's

Sexylady007

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(To a Father who was never a dad)
it's me, your baby girl
When I came into your life I had hopes and dreams
I hoped for happiness, acceptance and understanding
I hoped for peace, warmth and stability
I hoped you would hold my hand as I grew up
I hoped you would be there when the sun set for me and the light behind the clouds seemed forever lost
I dreamt you would be my hero, my knight in shining armor,
I dreamt you would be my friend, my confidant my mentor,
I dreamt you would be my teacher, my guide and light of my life,
I dreamt you would lovingly showing me how to mature into an adult
I dreamt you would accept me through my most rebellious days
I needed you to teach me how to stand on my own
I needed you to teach me to own that space in the world that's solely mine
I needed you to teach me to live up to my responsibilities
I needed you to teach me appropriate speech and behavior
I needed you to teach me how to stand up for myself
I needed you to teach me boundaries and how to protect myself
I needed you to teach me right from wrong.
I needed you to be there when my life fell apart
I needed your support and understanding through my darkest days and nights
I needed your comfort and love when I fell into the abyss
I needed your tenderness and understanding when there was none
I needed you to save me from my darkest demons and scariest monsters
I needed your encouragement, your praise, your recognition, your honesty and security
I needed you to believe in me and my potential
But most of all, I needed to you to show me that I matter to you
Not because of what I do or what I wear or what I think or my friends, my music, my marks in school or my choices
I needed to know that I matter to you but because I'm you're little girl
I now know that you couldn't be that person for me,
Dad, now that I am an adult, that little girl inside of me still needs you to be my hero,
But, how can I explain to you how it hurts when you now reach back to me now without acknowledging the pain, the hurt and void you gave me?
How can I show you that without accountability, there can be no healing?
How can I show you that our relationship mirrors that of the men in my life?
I still need to be unconditionally loved, accepted, praised, encouraged and supported
I still need my boundaries to be considered and respected
to bad you will never know me & who I am you truly missed out on knowing one hell of a person I am everything your not....
did you know i cry every time I see a father & daughter dance at a wedding because I know i never had that in my life a father to love me & make me feel like I counted....
But I just wanted you to know God has filled the void for me & i'm okay now & he has put a Love in my heart and he has given me a forgiving spirit so I wish you well `because I actually feel sorry for you..
Know that I don't think it was okay what you did to me & my brother but I forgive you ....
Because two wrongs don't make it right....




 
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Sexylady007

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[QUOTE="muchtrouble10, post: 4502122]What beautiful children, grandchildren, nieces and nephew!!! They have to go a long way to making the hell you have lived through all worthwhile. You just amaze me, Laila! I don't know how you have gone through everything yet have so much love in your heart.

This song is for you, Darlin'...I think she wrote it just for you!

[video=youtube;Mb1Rufxem_4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb1Rufxem_4[/video]
[/QUOTE]

Bumping this up Because I love it so & when I hear this song it reminds me of all my wonderful friends here who I love so dearly....
Thank you so much for caring about me....
:blowkiss:
 

Manzy

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^^^ This one reminds me of something my sister told me and she says it everyday now

"Don't let your past be your future"

Did you write the father letter? I used to feel that way to when it came to weddings but not anymore funny once it became clear to me that I found peace (that must be it) because all the bad feelings are just gone like a hard drive being erased and all it took was my step brother saying he wasn't going to get on that train and how our dad can now play ball with him (since he's passed on) I think it has to do with his passing too because only he knew the answers and I can't ask the questions anymore. I hope you have found Peace too girlfriend :iheartyou:
 

Sexylady007

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Yes I have peace over it all now but for a long time I carried the shame of it all in me I now realize it wasn't my shame to carry A father A husband A son they all made their own choices that I can't do anything about now...I know it wasn't my fault what they did they will have to stand before God and answer for what they did not me....
and on the day I forgive them all, that's when I found true peace...I had a lot of forgiving to do My Mom My Granny & everyone else who had ever hurt me it was a lot of soul searching & hard work getting to where I am today but I am happy now I have a good life .... the letter was for my father & every other father who missed the call in being there for their daughters & son's....Life is too short to be anything but happy...I only wish I had done this thread sooner so my brother Tony could of found peace through it while he was alive he had to die to fine his peace.....
I love you too dear manzy
:littleheart:


 

Manzy

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I just wanted to share something with you and I think this thread is the right place :bigsmile:

I was going through boxes of old papers looking for some letters my nieces grandfather wrote to her, when I go through old papers I always find old cards, other letters, pictures and keep sakes (I need to keep and get rid of the junk paperwork lol) anyway I came across my dad's (the dad that raised me) the poem I wrote him with the picture collage for his services.. I read it out loud and said "you know what you really were my real dad" about an hour later as I was putting things away the phone rang, it was his sister my aunt.. She asked what are you doing? I said just going through old papers, she said So am I, I said really wow, she said she did you write that poem about your dad, (her brother) I said Yes I just read that too! We both just laughed and went on to talk about our spirtual experiences as I've told you some of them girlfriend.. I just wanted to tell you my little story.. An angel was around today "My dad" and no matter how strict he was or some of the things he did he still provided for me and took in a step daughter and the things he did were not his fault but the fault of his generations and being in foster care.. Just thought I'd share.. :bow:


 

Sexylady007

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Dear Manzy you always up lift my spirit in the things you tell me & this one really did do just that we are here for only a little while but the things we say & do here does go a long way in lifting someone up and for that I am grateful to you & others here who do that every day...
I thank God for my step dad he was & is a good man who love's me as if I was his own flesh & blood he gave me a home took me out of a bad situation with a abusive grandma & gave me my mother back...He even sold his blood so I could eat & no one I know has ever done that for me...
He is a God fearing man who loves the Lord & has cried out to God for my son & even for me when I needed it....He treats my mother with the upper most respect & shows all the time how much he loves her I could go on & on about him in telling about all his good deeds all I can say is God is good
and thank you Manzy for sharing that here on this thread I love you so much & wish I could hug your neck...God bless you sis...
:hearthugs:


 

Manzy

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And thank you girlfriend, you told me when I forgive I will find peace I just didn't know how to go about it but it's something that just happened to me both times regarding fathers.. You can't explain to someone how to forgive you can only encourage them to head that way and you did that for me. Today it came by just reading something I wrote from my heart and near the same time my aunt was reading it too, she told me when her husband died my Uncle Joe she felt this fluttering on her cheek like an angel kiss, she said she'll never forget it, I told her about the ladybug and butterfly I then said there's only certain people you can say these things too everyone else will think we're nuts lol she laughed and agreed and said spiritual people experience these things. I have told people who have been in my life "you don't have to be blood to be family" and you can go on and on anytime about who your inspired, I'm glad you had your step dad too and I wish I could hug your neck too.. Thanks for letting me share sis :iheartyou:
 

Manzy

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That's awesome!! that's a lot of money to win! I'd be ecstatic lol! It is about forgiveness if you hold onto bitterness it turns into ugly.. sometimes it takes a long time to figure that out though

I'm happy for your family :bow:


 

Sexylady007

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[QUOTE="Manzy, post: 4688761]That's awesome!! that's a lot of money to win! I'd be ecstatic lol! It is about forgiveness if you hold onto bitterness it turns into ugly.. sometimes it takes a long time to figure that out though

I'm happy for your family :bow:


[/QUOTE]

Thank you sis I appreciate that... Yeah when we get rid of the bad we make room for the good....I love you sweetie & the quote is beautiful...:2thumbsup::sendinglove:
 

Sexylady007

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To all the mom's out there may you all be blessed this mothers day I'll be out so I wanted to wish you all a very happy one....

I received a beautiful Letter yesterday from my son Sharif that made me cry & touched my heart & he drew a beautiful Rose for me for mothers day.

My Omar is putting steak's on the grill today so I don't have to cook & tomorrow he's taking me out to eat so that will be nice..
I'm going to get my flower baskets to hang outside today...

Have a beautiful day everyone & remember life is short so enjoy all you have been blessed with...
I love ya'll
:hearthugs: