My wife's sister died a few years ago...

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#1
......she was unwell for a few years but even so it hit us all hard.
Thing is though Ann's hubby Frank remarried within 5 months,everyone was taken aback though a couple of relatives thought it was a good thing cos Ann had 3 fairly young kids.
Elaine,Frank's new wife had 2 kids from her previous marraige and seemed nice enough,but one thing concerned us all,Frank and Elaine went on a shopping spree as if money was goin outta fashion,cruise tae America,Bentley car,new clothes etc etc,basically all the things Ann never had.
We very rarely visit them tbh and just leaves a chill down our backs,are we too critical,isn't 5 months after Ann's death not a wee bit too soon tae remarry someone?
 

muchtrouble10

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#2
Okay...First off, I want to say that one should NEVER marry to get housekeeper or child care provider. Trust me, it is a LOT cheaper to hire someone. They COULD have met a while back (while Ann was ill) and been just "friends". Was Elaine divorced or did her husband die? If he died, she might have been a great source of comfort to Frank, helping him through Ann's illness. There may or may not have been some hanky-panky going on before Ann died, but, if Frank acted the devoted husband, I'd say let it go.

The money spending concerns me more... Where did it come from? Also, with now 5 kids in the house, money should be rationed, not thrown into the wind. How close were you to Frank? If the closeness was only because of your sister-in-law, don't worry about it. If you considered him a friend, in addition to being "family"...try talking to him. He may be able to put your mind at rest. Things aren't always what they seem.
 
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[QUOTE="muchtrouble10, post: 4010767]Okay...First off, I want to say that one should NEVER marry to get housekeeper or child care provider. Trust me, it is a LOT cheaper to hire someone. They COULD have met a while back (while Ann was ill) and been just "friends". Was Elaine divorced or did her husband die? If he died, she might have been a great source of comfort to Frank, helping him through Ann's illness. There may or may not have been some hanky-panky going on before Ann died, but, if Frank acted the devoted husband, I'd say let it go.

The money spending concerns me more... Where did it come from? Also, with now 5 kids in the house, money should be rationed, not thrown into the wind. How close were you to Frank? If the closeness was only because of your sister-in-law, don't worry about it. If you considered him a friend, in addition to being "family"...try talking to him. He may be able to put your mind at rest. Things aren't always what they seem.[/QUOTE]
The money came from Elaine selling her house,Frank also runs his own building company and Ann was insured for a fairly large sum of money.
I always said there was something fishy going on because from the moment Ann died he asked us tae babysit his kids,nobody can be certain he was saying he went out with Elaine before Ann died but I still say he was.
 

muchtrouble10

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[QUOTE="TonyHendrix, post: 4012120]The money came from Elaine selling her house,Frank also runs his own building company and Ann was insured for a fairly large sum of money.
I always said there was something fishy going on because from the moment Ann died he asked us tae babysit his kids,nobody can be certain he was saying he went out with Elaine before Ann died but I still say he was.[/QUOTE]

I agree that he probably was "dating" while his wife was dying, but it COULD have been innocent. Anyone who has been a caregiver can tell you they NEED a break now and then. It could have been just coffee and venting, but I'm sure he and Elaine at least knew each other before Ann died. You are the best judge Tony...you can see facial expressions and body language, which tell so much more than actual words. If at one time you were really close to him, I'd say give him a chance to explain. Otherwise, figure that when your sister in law died, any ties to him were severed and you owe him nothing.
 
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Agreed MT,it's really a tricky one tbh,another bro in law says I should let it go but that's easier said than done.
 

squirt

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the only person you have any control over is yourself? if they're doin' wrong, it'll show up sooner or later :hugs:
 

Tokentoo

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Sorry Tony... this is hard to answer.

Everyone grieves differently, in their own time, and their own way.
Is there any possibility that he had her blessing to move on?
 
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[QUOTE="Tokentoo, post: 4013595]Sorry Tony... this is hard to answer.

Everyone grieves differently, in their own time, and their own way.
Is there any possibility that he had her blessing to move on?[/QUOTE]
I honestly don't think so,the thing is though,it amazes me why this happens when a partner dies and then a few short months later the other partner remarried,I can't get my head around that somehow.
 

kiki5711

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[QUOTE="TonyHendrix, post: 4018510]I honestly don't think so,the thing is though,it amazes me why this happens when a partner dies and then a few short months later the other partner remarried,I can't get my head around that somehow.[/QUOTE]

I agree, it almost feels as if Ann didn't even exist and he's happily going on about his life, as if she was just a bother because she was sick and not fun any more.

But what can you do, nothing. Don't worry about his drama, and keep your sister in law in best memory in your own home. Let them go, and don't babysit their kids, unless it's on your terms.
 

Patrish

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[QUOTE="TonyHendrix, post: 4010636]......she was unwell for a few years but even so it hit us all hard.
Thing is though Ann's hubby Frank remarried within 5 months,everyone was taken aback though a couple of relatives thought it was a good thing cos Ann had 3 fairly young kids.
Elaine,Frank's new wife had 2 kids from her previous marraige and seemed nice enough,but one thing concerned us all,Frank and Elaine went on a shopping spree as if money was goin outta fashion,cruise tae America,Bentley car,new clothes etc etc,basically all the things Ann never had.
We very rarely visit them tbh and just leaves a chill down our backs,are we too critical,isn't 5 months after Ann's death not a wee bit too soon tae remarry someone?[/QUOTE]

Sounds like - and of course there is obviously no evidence of my hypothesis - but its possible he was already having an affair prior to Ann's death and he made sure he took out a loot full of insurance while he could. Like if he knew she was going to die - he would set up a policy and then she gets sick and...

How was she sick?

Its been known - tho i am not saying this is the reality of this particular situation - but some folks are slowly poisoned to death. Yah, stuff for movies.

I think i watch too many crime shows-murders series. [Reality tv stuff]
It distorts your view on people.
:loony:
 

Patrish

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#14
That crazy theory aside - I am truly sorry for your loss. Been thru a horrendous year myself.
HUGS
 
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Sorry for not getting back to you sooner Pat,Ann had pulmonary fibrosis for a good few years,her twin brother James also has it as well,both were in the hairdressing business which didn't help their health though they never obviously knew that at the time when doing hairdressing.