A farmer and his pig go into a bar, the farmer says "pint of lager for the pig, and a pint of bitter and a packet of pork scratchings for me please" . The barman laughs and says to the farmer " no pork scratchings for the pig then, I take it he's not a cannibal?" The pig says "No you cunt I'm a Muslim"
I was arguing with my wife in the pub last night when the landlord came over and said, "I think you've had enough mate I suggest you leave."
"You're right mate." I said. "I'll have a few more pints then go home and start packing!"