random Jokes

konifur

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Two Dinosaurs holding hands on a beach watching a ship sail away into the sunset.

One turns to the other and says "That Noah's a Cunt"
 

brilor

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A kangaroo at the Sydney zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night.
Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence.
He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.
They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a fifteen-foot fence.
He was out again the next morning.

A twenty-foot fence was put up.
Again he go out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo,
"How high do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody thinks to lock the gate at night!"
 

stevent222

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The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist:




Best friends graduating from medical school at the same time decided
that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice
together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist;
they put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and
Posteriors. The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was
also not acceptable so they again changed the sign to read Catatonics
and High Colonics - no go. Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal
Retentives - thumbs down again.

Then came Minds and Behinds - still no good. Another attempt resulted
in Lost Souls and Butt Holes - unacceptable again! So they tried Nuts
and Butts - no way. Freaks and Cheeks - still no good. Loons and
Moons - forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came
up with:

Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends.

Everybody loved it.
 

konifur

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"So, I guess you've never been with a prostitute before then Koni" she said.
I replied.." well, no, but how can you tell?"
She said.." look, don't worry about it, just take the pound coins out my fanny and we'll start again"
 

konifur

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“Dad, do you think mum will ever come back?”

“Who knows son, women are fickle creatures.”

“She’s been gone so long. Do you miss her?”

“I do son .... but men aren’t allowed in the ladies changing rooms.”